The Mindset Journey

I hate to admit this openly, but I am broken. In the past year I had a complete mental breakdown and “Froze”. I couldn’t move on with my life, I was stuck in a space of darkness with no sign of any light; no “outs”. And even though I’ve lived a fairly tough life and got over so many hurdles that would break most people, what finally broke me was just a bunch of things happening at once that turned my whole world upside down that I couldn’t find a way to “fix”..

In the space of 2 months; I lost my partner of 4 years, lost my home, lost my business, lost my health, was diagnosed with emphysema & finally lost my mind. Instead of being the gung-ho person that gets through any challenge and always sees the optimistic side of life – I crumbled – I gave up, and I completely shut down.

My brain and body couldn’t cope with everything happening at once and I turned into a zombie, unable to see the good in the world, unable to move past my grief, unable to move forward. I absolutely couldn’t see a way to fix my problems, and I was still on the border of living in my car because I was staying with people who didn’ t want me there, and I felt so guilty 24/7 for being there, but I was so stuck and couldn’t find a magic wand to fix me.

I really needed help, psychological help, money, healthy food. A friend. Anything to get me out of this really bad mindset that I was stuck in. But I didn’t feel like I had any of that, because when you are in that zombie-state, anyone who doesn’t “understand” what you are going through, is not a friend to you – that’s how the mindset thing works. You need to be understood because if they don’t understand you, they make you feel worse, and you need to ‘avoid’ feeling worse because you don’t want to go over the breaking point and end up 6 feet under.

You need someone to help you with real answers and mind unraveling, but I was caught-up in my own dark little world which made me move further away from people and made my world smaller, closing myself in, and getting worse instead of better. And with no business, you have no money, and with no money you can’t get “paid” help. It’s a vicious circle. And you can’t get a job when you are zombie, plus my health was so bad that I don’t think anyone could’ve hired me anyway.

There comes a point though, when you realize that you are making your life worse, and that you really want to find a reason to live. I think I was a zombie for about 3 months, maybe a little longer, before I decided that I needed to research the mind and try and get out of this state, so that I could get out of this house, so that I could get out of the financial shit that I was in, so that I could repair my health, and to help others, and live happily ever after.

I used to have websites dedicated to the secret and law of attraction, I’ve got facebook groups, community sites, and twitter accounts all dedicated to motivation and optimism… but NONE of them could get me out of the mindset that I was in. I couldn’t believe that I had been studying and living this law of attraction thing for years but that it didn’t work this time.

I tried to think positively but I was suffocating with grief and guilt. It made me realize that further research is needed for those that are past breaking point, and if I wasn’t doing it for myself, I was doing it for others. I could do it for others more than I could do it for myself, because I didn’t think I was worthy, but I thought that if I could research it for others, then maybe I could be the example too, it’s a weird game you play with your own mind. Am I worthy? Yes? Why do I feel bad when I say yes? Aren’t we all the same? Can’t we all be worthy? When your mind is a mess, it really is a mess :)

I see a little bit of light now, just now. After spending the past year studying mindset and health, I’ve implemented some of the things that have made me see a little bit of hope for the future, and baby-steps open up more baby-steps, because when you get a little bit of light, it’s enough to know that you “can” find the light again, and once you know you “can” find a light, you can build on that momentum, because you now know there is a way to get out of this mess somehow.

I’m trying to ‘get back my mojo’, and as I take baby-steps to take back control of my life, as I study the path back to be a motivated, positive, healthy, happy & successful being, as I learn how to have a successful online business (I can’t have a normal job until I fix my health), as I research how to regain my health, as I apply the things that make a difference to me, I hope that by sharing them here, I am also making a difference to you or someone you know who needs it.

I really feel, for the first time in my life, that this is the right thing to do. To open up and share my journey, show my vulnerabilities, to show that I’m human, that I’m not perfect, that I’m not an expert in everything (noone is), but that what I do have, is a keen skill of extensive research, a strong-will to survive, a determination to get past this dip, and to leave my legacy: leave something really valuable to help others do the same.

Despite my insecurities, my fear of what other people think of me, my feelings of unworthiness and my grief, I’m re-doing this site to help myself get through my pain, and by helping myself, I aim to help others who need it too.

I will update this bio at a later time, I’m still working out how to express myself without feeling embarrassed or fearful of being judged (one of the inner-issues I have to work on), so stay-tuned for an update of this page when I have finished my “Impact Storytelling” lessons by Katie Freiling that I’m learning here:

The Health Journey

There are basically two types of patients.

One type want their doctor to make the best decision concerning their health, and are not interested in doing their own research or taking any responsibility to learn other things they can do to help heal themselves.

The other type like to make their own informed decision based on data supplied by their doctor AND IN ADDITION they have a willingness to learn, research, and to make better decisions about their available health options.

People with the most success in beating disease are those that are the most involved in finding ways to get healthy – they learn, ask questions, and take control and responsibility for their own body. The latter is the category I fall into and if you do too, then you should also enjoy my journey into improving my health.

My childhood was spent in and out of hospitals, I even had to take an oxygen tank to school with me. As an adult, I’ve been plagued by illnesses, that I thought was just a normal part of life. I’ve spent a fortune on pills and medical treatments, but all it’s ever done is keep me dependent on them (without them, I soon return to poor health).

Never did I consider that what I was eating, and the lifestyle I was living, were the “causing” factor for all my health problems. Never did I consider rebuilding my immune system so that I wouldn’t be so sick. That was never an option that was brought up to me, I had to figure it out for myself – years later.

But about a decade ago, as I lay on the couch feeling like I was dying (from a bacteria infection), having noone to care for me and not being able to move, once I was well enough, I decided to research more into natural healing, changing my lifestyle and dietary habits, and finding natural ways of removing the “cause” so that I wouldn’t be dependent upon medication or the care from others.

I spent a few years working on a natural healing site, but I went fruit-picking one year, and from there, life got a bit out of hand – I forgot about the site, and focused my energies elsewhere, and pretty much ceased the research side of things and went on with my life. I had boyfriends and moved houses, and travelled, and slowly got back into an unconscious way of life: damaging my cells.

But when I was recently diagnosed with a disease that the doctors say is irreversible, I have renewed my interest in natural healing and have decided to find a way to reverse it – and all the other problems I’ve had along the way.

The suckiest part is knowing that I did this to myself and that ‘once upon a time’, this never would’ve happened to me because I already had the knowledge.

But through a lapse in my own better judgement, my body has been slowly deteriorating and I ignored all the warning signs because I had enough drama going on in my life that seemed ‘bigger than me’, and that was just something else I didn’t want to have to deal with, so my health took the back-bench and now I’m paying for it with the one thing that I feared most.

The thing is, that even if doctors can’t find a medical way to cure you, I believe that if we did it to ourselves (through diet, lifestyle, toxins, stress, etc.) then we should be able to “undo” it to ourselves. All diseases that we did to ourselves are “cell disease ~ cell sickness”. Our cells are sick because of a whole range of little lapses in judgement and ignoring what should be obvious, but isn’t because “everyone else is doing it”.

Knowing that we can rebuild our entire body, that every single cell is replaced within 11 – 24 months, my best-bet to cure myself, is to start my body regenerating and rebuilding “healthy” cells instead of replicating ‘sick and damaged’ cells. And I believe that to be true with so many diseases in this modern world.

So on the health side of my journey, I will be focusing on health restoration from a cellular level. I am now on a “do or die” mission: doing intense research into health on a cellular level to try and discover the truth, restore my health, and not give up in my plight.

Everything I learn, I will share here, via the health blog and will update recipes to the recipe section which will contain both food recipes and toxic-free household and body recipes.

The recipes will all be very simple and quick to make – nothing complicated or too technical (and nothing expensive either!). I intend to live a simple, stress-free lifestyle with an uncomplicated, easy diet where every recipe can be done in under 20 minutes or cooked in bulk once a week. (You won’t see any prize-winning, photography-loving chef-award recipes here, just food to eat, to rebuild health on a cellular level)

Health Disclaimer

This site is a compilation of my own opinions. It’s not advice; it’s information I’ve discovered that you can take or leave as you please. The information on this site should not replace medical consultation or treatment.

The Wealth Journey

As a sole-trader, I have learnt the hard & slow way to build a business is to try and do it alone. I have over 70 websites online and have spent countless hours, money and many years online creating various networks, website communities, and businesses.

I’ve always been interested in having an online business – a business that I can take on my journey’s around the world, to live a life of freedom from the 9-5.

When I was healthy and excited and motivated about an online business, I always thought that I could build it, and then teach the “poor” and “disadvantaged” people in the world how to do it too, but unfortunately I never got my businesses earning enough to live on.

I was always chasing this week’s rent money or this month’s hosting bill, and never realized that I was doing it all wrong; following other people’s advice.

I needed to be myself. My own unique self, with my own unique voice; not follow what other people did to make it work for them, because their way didn’t go so well for me – every type of business suits a different type of person. And as much as I tried to be that person that I needed to be, I kept falling flat on my face because I hated it :)

I see it in others too, failing over and over again because they are trying to be a “writer” when they can’t even speak the language. Or they are trying to be a “Sales person” when they have no self-esteem. Or they are trying to be … insert “something that doesn’t match their unique gifts” here.

Yet, if they just let-go of the expectations & advice from others who tell them what to do, and instead, honed in on the skills & interests they already have or are in pursuit of, maybe they’d have a better chance at figuring out a way to turn their unique passions into a business, and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

My mistake was getting into Offline Marketing (when I was an Online Marketer). Thinking they were the same thing. It would be brilliant! I’d use all the knowledge I’ve learnt in a decade of internet marketing, and help local businesses with their online marketing! The plan seemed sound & perfect for me. I was on the “right track”. But unfortunately… they are not the same thing… Really. What exactly is offline marketing?

Just because I can do the “techy” stuff, doesn’t mean I have any interest in:

There are so many things you need to be good at for “offline marketing”, that didn’t fit to who I am or who I want to be. I wanted to be free to travel anywhere – how can I do that with an offline marketing business that requires constant communication with clients?

I’ve always had a passion for automatic marketing. That comes from that ‘freedom’ thing inside me that I so yearn for. So most of the time, I’m researching the automatic way of doing things. That’s my passion. That’s my “fun”.

But my “business” was helping small businesses do their online marketing. That wasn’t fun because I was caught up in the above crap, and noone was really taking up any of the things that I was good at.

What I really wanted was a portable business in online training. I wanted to create online training courses to share my knowledge about different things, usually to do with WordPress or automatic marketing. Train people with the skills that I had learnt over the years.

But when I went about creating my business (going from 9-5 j-o-b to online), I chose the wrong business model thinking that it would get me the funds to be able to do my passion-business ‘later’.

So everyday I would struggle to get the business working for me (I’d get heaps of leads, but I had no idea how to “sell” so I used to do everything for free or so cheap, that I couldn’t survive). It’s a long, boring story that I’ll skip but I now cannot think of anything worse than doing my offline marketing business. There is nothing that I enjoy about it, and because it doesn’t “fit” with who I am, I’m not making money from it.

What I’m meant to do is the online training courses and follow my instincts. So guess what? I’m starting my business again. Despite my confidence issues, despite being “out the loop” for a year, and despite any obstacles, I will be getting my dream business up and going.

And as I make it happen, I’m sure that a lot of the skills that I’ve already learnt in 10 years of internet marketing and new skills that I learn along the way, will be helpful for others who want to sell their knowledge. Whether it be for freedom, or passion, or because you also can’t or don’t want a “normal job”.

I now realize how important it is for business owners and entrepreneurs to invest a little time to meet and network with like-minded people who can help you with challenges, raise your own expectations, provide resources and contacts, discuss ideas and give you “light-bulb” moments for your business, and help you overcome challenges as we all strive to reach our business & lifestyle goals.

As my main expertise and passion for learning is in automation and my background is in internet marketing, I can help you with any questions relating to anything related to automating, systems, wordpress, and internet marketing and so I will be bringing to you lots of tips & strategies you can use to promote your business online.

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