Journey

I’m done with this self-sabotage. Time to take back my life.  I’ve done it before and I can do it again. Before I lost my self-confidence and started to doubt myself, I was planning on helping others learn to be as positive, happy and vital as I was. In one way, I should be happy that I get to do this challenge from this space of “lost” because then I can really know if my ideas were ever going to work for others in a stage of “lost”. On the other hand, fear and anxiety are hovering.

Baby-steps back to “automatic” health and vitality

I’m not into big, dramatic life-changes that don’t stick. Diets are too “short-term” – I need a “lifestyle” overhaul. What worked in the past is “adding positive things” (allowing the negative things to drop off automatically). I realize that the way our life looks right now, is shaped by our automatic, everyday moment-to-moment subconscious habits. Every morning we wake up and barely any morning looks different to the next. You have a “routine” that is either improving your life or making it worse. We have 60,000 or more thoughts running through our head a day. They are running a programme based on our repeated beliefs, habits, and thoughts from yesterday. Most of those thoughts are not new. We have just programmed them in by repeating them. These thoughts help us direct our lives without having to think about breathing or how to walk or how to digest our food into nutrients and so on. If we are aware that most of our thoughts are running on autopilot and directing our lives, and that most of our thoughts that we have daily are the same as we had yesterday, we can use that awareness to be more mindful about starting to create better thoughts that direct our lives in a better way.

Today I sat down once again, at my cafe, and with a blank notepad, once again – wrote down a list of things I need to do on a daily basis, that will improve my life and help me become the best version of me, to lose the shame, to shed the victim-story of “what happened to get me in these darker days” and renew my life.

So many times I’ve written these lists. 21 days for automatic health habits, 21 days for automatic abundance habits, self-sufficiency, freedom, vitality, websites. I’ve lists of lists. I need to “be” that which my hands are preaching to me. I need to heed my own advice, and do these challenges… for me, to get back on track.

I pine that I was once so confident that I was going to “lead others” into these challenges. Now I’ll be a participant, my own test-bunny of these challenges that I have for so many years been dreaming about. What was once so easy, so automatic, has become a far-distant past.. another person, another lifetime. But I do know that I can do it, and tomorrow it begins.

I’m going to blog my journey to keep me accountable and motivated.

So starting tomorrow morning, Wednesday 19th April 2017, I will add these daily habits into my life, and after 21 days they should be my new, natural, automatic “normal” and then I’ll create new habits for other areas of my life, but first is getting my “vitality” and “health” back because there is so much guilt/shame around those and it’s hard to be motivated when you’re running on empty/junk.

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