[IChing] Intimacy with the wrong person (Part 2)

[IChing] Intimacy with the wrong person (Part 1)

Read part one first

Is love just lessons? Or is there an actual feeling of love people get that doesn’t hurt?
#22 > #33 1 4 5

How I interpreted/related: I think I wanted to know if you could trust the ‘love’ feeling you get with people, that if I couldn’t trust it – what ‘was’ that feeling, was there really a ‘love’ emotion that means ‘love’, or was it some kind of cosmic lesson, or wound. The answer is speculative and open to different interpretations but I took it to mean that there is a love that is benevolent & transcends time/space and is positive if you are true to yourself, sincere, pure, and have clarity – not when it’s ‘not those things’.

I humiliated myself and that was the main thing I need to know to move on?
#2 > #46 2 3

How I interpreted/related: It’s saying that the main knowledge I need to move on is being more of an observer and true to myself. Realize that others are not like me, don’t think like me, are more materialistic and care more about their social reputation. To not be that, and not dwell or get caught up in thoughts about what others think. It’s also saying to not worry about my ‘personal revolution’ or my websites and things that I was gearing up to do, for the moment, to instead allow life to unfold – & use this time to focus upon freeing the entanglements within. It’s also reminding me of how I handled the situation poorly – that by not staying true to my values – I allowed them to walk all over me. That I never set my boundaries to say “this is not ok”, instead went with “what they wanted” thinking it was the right thing to do, and it backfired. With the ‘look through the ghosts of unfulfilled wishes’ advice, I take it to mean that I need to look at my ‘expectations’ and ‘attachments to the way I think things should be’, to do the inner-work on myself where I don’t expect anything other than what is.

#20 > #23 5
Looking at what you do and its affects allows you to fix what is not working. Each moment and all you meet are a reflection of how you might grow.

How I interpreted/related: Again reiterating the need to see others and any ‘triggers’ as a mirror to your own inner work that needs upgrading.

By going forward against my own resistance / fears / feelings, I placed myself in a situation of humiliation and everything I have been going through since has been my ego wanting to rectify the situation?

How I interpreted/related: Here I’m trying to discern all the resistance and fears I felt during this time. I was terrified but I boldly pushed through my fears thinking that’s what life wanted me to do. By going against my own resistance, I ended up humiliating myself, and my reputation was tainted. The IChing is saying that the world is a place of wandering, exploring, it’s all a journey and a transformation. That I’m in-between a large transformation and that I don’t know my “new” self yet as it’s still being uncovered and that all of life is a series of experiences, that every moment is an opportunity to learn, that’s how we get a broad scope of life. It’s saying that I love to explore ‘newness’ and sometimes by exploring newness, and the path less-travelled, I am going to get some experiences that are less than pleasant, that will ultimately make me doubt my decisions/choices, beliefs & intuition. But that’s what life is about – at least for me, that I love being an explorer, and ever-levelling-up from where I am, gaining new and broader perspectives as life teaches me.

Why is it taking so long this time to get stable?
#6 > #53 2 3 4

How I interpreted/related: I kept thinking I will be ‘fixed’ within days or weeks, but as the weeks turned into months and as time kept passing where I still felt insane and unstable, I wanted to know why ‘this time’ was so hard. It’s saying that this transformation was necessary and that I need to be more accepting and keep looking inside myself with a peaceful heart rather than being ashamed that I can’t seem to ‘get stable’ (therefore keeping me in a place of ‘not yet stable’). I needed to change my attitude and relax a bit. It’s saying that I went through something massive – a betrayal that ended in me having to retreat and that fighting it will bring no benefit. That I’m better to stand on my own integrity and live by my own values, and focus on my inner-worth. To keep ‘doing what I feel is right’, trust in life, & not do anything else that I feel “bad” about or may live to regret later. That his reputation is too strong in the world and around my own allies for me to clear my name and so secluding myself from them and their ignorance, and staying true to my own ‘being’ even if noone ever finds the truth about me and even if I never get to redeem my own honour, that ‘being’ my own values & living within my own integrity, is the only guidance I need follow for this transformation to take place more smoothly. 

Why am I having trouble letting this go?
#39 > #60 1 2

How I interpreted/related: I’m living in resistance because on the one hand I don’t want conflict or trouble with anyone, on the other hand, I am really hurt and feel betrayed, my reputation tarnished, and life has spiralled in the opposite direction of everything I had planned, everything I stood for was ‘on the line’, and there were so many secrets that I can’t share. I felt suppressed and suffocated, and then at the same time, I’m also going loopy trying to figure it (and the universe and all of my spiritual beliefs) out, as well as dwelling into past trying to take responsibility and smooth out my own past-crap. It’s telling me to keep looking at it from all sides. That this process is actually not a mistake, it’s perfect for the transformation taking place. It’s also saying that I’m having trouble letting it go because my integrity was at stake (ego/pride) – and noone likes that lol. It’s saying that rather than ‘trying to force myself to overcome it sooner’, to keep being patient with the process, to just wait. It’s also saying it’s my path to overcome obstacles and that the work is more important than my ego-sacrifice. 

What do I need to repair what has been spoiled?
#51 > #22 3 4 6
Some people are so deeply merged in selfish thinking that nothing can wake them up from their prison. Do what is right for you. Once you can settle your fear and return to your own centre, you will know which is the proper course to take. Too much time focusing on how others view you or what they are doing is not a fulfilling way to live.

How I interpreted/related: Another reminder to do the work, do what’s in alignment to me, and to not focus on how other people view the situation. That my job is not to wake them up, it’s to find my own way out of this prison.

What am I learning from this?
#18 > #64 3 4

How I interpreted/related: It’s telling me that I’m learning sincerity, humbleness, inner strength, patience and overcoming vulnerabilities. It’s saying to get in touch with my higher-self/inner-truth/intuition for direction. It’s telling me that I’m focusing too much on trying to correct past errors attempting to ‘fix this all quickly’ and to keeping working through my weaknesses and not try and force a preferred ‘outcome’ before doing the work.

#18 > #64 3 4
Hasty correction of humiliation. Codependency/giving your power away. Better to rectify the situation and speak up.

How I interpreted/related: Stop trying to force-fix this. Stop giving your power away to someone else. I think it’s also trying to tell me to speak about what happened (but I didn’t).

How would I do that? He has barbed wire wall around him
#9 > #64 1 3 4 5

How I interpreted/related: I mistook the previous reading to mean that I have to speak up to him directly (which was completely impossible in my eyes to do) and it’s saying that I do not need to do that. We were on the wrong path to begin with and that he has his own issues and to keep working on my own issues. Return to my own sincerity, acceptance, modesty and not to approach him. Its saying we spent a lot of time & energy focusing on pointing at each other’s wrong-doings rather than realize that we each played a part and to focus on honest sincerity and always being mindful that it takes 2 to tango. 

Continued on new blog post – see Part Three

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.