Journey

I’m going through some of my journals today, looking for inspiration and ideas that I might of written about my own business when I was inspired. However, one of the journals I just found was when I was still trying to understand everything that happened during the dark night and I thought if I record it here, it might help someone who is going through it.. perhaps. Or help drudge-up some more shadow-stuff for me to work on, who knows :)

It’s raw and honest – stuff I wouldn’t probably talk about with anyone except my own mind, but that’s the kind of thing I like to read in other people’s blogs, but if this stings for you to see someone “destroying their reputation in the world” lol… please click away.

Dark night of the soul (aka Death of the Ego). This is one of the journeys I took in life.

15/8/2017
I kinda know where my obstacle/blockage is, but I don’t know how to get around it.
I had beliefs that I loved and served me – until they didn’t.
I loved my outlook on life and that I was always the friendly, happy one.
I loved that I cared about humanity from my deepest heart.
I loved that about me.
Up until I merged with him and saw that he made fun of everything that I liked about me.
He put me down and pointed out everything that he was disgusted about, and made me realize that I was nothing more than a joke – that he was playing with co-workers for his own ego-boosting.
I also had people on YouTube tell me I was wrong.
Everything that I knew myself to be; the things I wanted to help everyone with, the cures, the radiance, the positivity, gone.
I had no reality to cling to.
If my “best version of me”, the one that I loved and thought could help the world, was actually a “disgusting joke”.
Find that being positive and happy and believing in myself could lead me to have no filters.
Maybe they are right.
If I’m a disgusting joke at my best, then what’s to “aim for”, who to be?
I became “like them”.
Another drone that got irritated with ‘out of the box’ happy people. Pulling them down with my disapproval. Why?
Why did this happen and how to fix it?
How can I fix something that hurt so much – that still hurts so much?
How do I forgive myself. How do I forgive them?
Who is my authentic self now?
Someone broken, someone with nothing to aim for. Why would I am to be a disgustingly crazy joke?
I loved her (my old me) but I don’t like her anymore because she can still break.
No confidence. Lots of self-doubt.
Why did I trust him? Why couldn’t I have trusted him? Why did he betray my trust? Why did he do that to me?
I want to create a better life and help others but that was a damaging lesson for me because now I don’t have any goals.
Will I really be happier in Queensland or is that an old belief, the belief “she” desired.
Who am I now?
How can I change where I’m at so I’m not stuck in this cycle of despair and no-aim?
I was so sure. So certain.
Why has it flipped? Is life really helping me?
Did I really create this? Did I really choose this?
Don’t know what to do.
Don’t know who I am.
.. who to be.
.. where to go.
And I wait and wait and wait and some weeks I feel better than others, but nowhere near the level of happiness I had.
I have an auto “off-switch” that prevents happiness – why?
Where am I being led or am I leading myself?
Did something happen when we merged? Is this “his” outlook on life mixed with mine that changed everything?
How could everything go so wrong?
So confused.
I feel like work has a dark cloud over it.
I feel like I “should” be happy wherever I am – even there. But I can’t.
Why not? Don’t we “choose” this?
How is it that he and the co-workers there have so much power over me to make me feel so small?
Why do I allow it, or why am I so affected by what they think anyway?
But I am.
And I don’t know.
Trying to keep the status quo. Do the “right” thing, or that which creates the least amount of conflict.
I can’t be invisible there because of that fucking phone.
Can I step into a better version of me, whilst I still work there, or does that need to change first?
If so, that also doesn’t match “old me” beliefs.

This is so fucked up.
I hate all of you. You are horrible, evil human beings. No souls. No fucking care about your lives, no care about the harm you inflict on others. Blaming/shaming and deliberately going out of your way to bring others down. Dark. Soulless.
#43 > #34 (Breakthrough > Great Power)
43. Deciding Line 5: Amaranth on the land, decide, decide! Targeted action is without fault.Encountering something of value in an unusual place and needing to decide whether to take it or not. There is nothing wrong with going for it.
In weeding the garden determination needed = walking in the middle is without blame. Changes to (34) Great Power. The best way to achieve Breakthrough in this situation is to carefully consider what needs to be changed. Without going to extremes of judgment you might learn something new that you hadn’t considered. Don’t come to any conclusions just yet and give the situation time to evolve. In this case a Breakthrough in patience leads to Great Power.

What am I not seeing?
#54 > #16
You put yourself at someone else’s disposal

3/9/17

How to clear my own name without hurting him?
#51 > #24
51. Shock Line 4: The shock penetrates in mud.
There is a shock, but its effect is smothered.
This is a delicate situation requiring great care. Even with the best intentions you cannot share what you have if it is not based on a solid foundation. You are lacking in either energy, knowledge, commitment or support so without remedying what is inherently weak, doing anything can only lead to disaster. It is better to examine what has decayed in this situation and reinvigorate it or start over.

How to trust. Can I trust people?
#26 > #18 (Controlled Power > Decay / Working on Corruption)
26. Major Restraint
Line 1: It is better to stop, as this is a dangerous situation.

Why the cold shoulder?
#28 > #5 (Excess/Unbearable Stress > Wait/Have Patience)
Being careful. Nothing wrong with that.

I don’t deserve the cold shoulder.
#7 > #6 (Discipline > Conflict)
There is not much work to do, so one steps back. Nothing wrong with that.
Doing something that one wouldn’t have done if one had had more experience. It is not to blame. This lack of experience may cause the wrong decisions to be made, or holding on to things that are not essential.
Unqualified people should not have responsibilities they cannot bear.

Am I creating my reality?
#42 (Increase)
Divine Intervention, Listen for Divine Guidance.
Use your energies to pursue goals that will improve or transform your world.
Become the best you can be.
Be generous to expand.

Could I have trusted him at any stage or was it all fake?
#56 > #30 (Wanderer > Clarity)
See all as creator. Don’t be petty now.
Avoid the cultivation of unnecessary emotional attachments.
Stay cautious and respectful of others you meet.

How can I open my heart again?
#54 > #40 (Maiden > Liberation)
Trust. When you find someone worthy of that trust.

How do I trust again?
#33 > #53 (Retreat > Growth)
Transmute with love.
A well-organized retreat will help and will defuse hostile forces.
Move on, get on with life. Live in the will of heaven rather than clinging to past.

How do I trust my own mind?
#17 > #47 (Follow > Oppression)
You’re being helped.
Follow path that feels right.
Beware of the company you keep.

Is this a different (parallel) reality than the one I experienced then?
#18 Decay/Work on corruption
Opportunity to fix the situation by righting wrong ideas and attitudes.
Figure out where the disorder is and take action.

My faults:
1.) Giving him power over me
#41 Decrease
Action: Evaluate
It is said that Tao appears to move backward. Life moves inward and outward in fixed rhythms and it is time to turn back and evaluate.
There is a period a flowering followed by decline although what appears to be turning back is really turning inward as life continues to move forward. Decrease is the only way to Increase because what is full cannot be filled anew. The message of Decrease suggests finding strength by removing the superfluous. Those who understand the cycles know that Increase will follow Decrease and will use the time to fortify the foundation or to examine what is working and what is not. Whatever you may lose during a period of Decrease will pave the way for something else. Nature shows us that Decrease is not a negative event. It is simply how it continues in its forward movement even while appearing to move backward.

2.) Going along with it to help him open up to me, even when I felt it was wrong (going outside of my soul’s right-conduct for what I thought was the greater good)
#43 > #28 (Breakthrough > Unbearable stress)
Strength in the toes but not equal to the task = one makes a mistake. Changes to (28) Critical Mass. Your first attempts to change the situation may have been premature. You may be impatiently pushing forward when the time is not right to instigate action. There is more examination and preparation needed in this situation. To just push forward means you may bite off more than you can chew which leads to collapse. Proceed carefully.

3.) Not being open with him
#39 > #63 (Obstruction > Completion)
Going leads to obstruction = coming meets with praise. Changes to (63) After Completion. The difference between going and coming is expectation. Coming feels like an invitation where going can be associated with fear, escape and sadness. After Completion suggests knowing the cycles and how to wait for the proper time to advance. In this way Obstruction is a timing indicator showing that the time is not right. When meeting obstruction invite dialogue without being defensive. Your willingness to see all sides of a misunderstanding meets with praise.

4.) Sacrificing my own reputation to “help his ego” because I thought that was the honourable thing to do
#23 (Stripping away)
All of life will not change you;  it unfolds as a way to unmask you.
There are times when disintegration or letting go is the only pathway to regeneration. Po is a message about how things become stronger by removing outgrown elements. Pruning a tree allows its branches to become more luxuriant. In this situation there is a need to release what is outworn or which no longer serves you so that you can return to a path that is more fulfilling. Sometimes you have to separate aspects in your life in order to achieve balance. A relationship that is in this stage can reach an impasse where either release or renew is at play. It can no longer operate within the unhealthy dynamics of the past. Similarly, a relationship reaching a commitment phase can also become more stressed as each partner examines the other more acutely.   Some type of overhaul is taking place so trust the process. The time requires great courage as you wait the situation out ~ without acting ~ until the way becomes clear. Where Breakthrough would have been a time to push through the difficulty with action, now you must acknowledge that there is little you can do to change events other than to let go and open to the inner experience. 

I’m still messed-up about this because I don’t want to see him as a bad guy.
#12 > #25 (Standstill > Correctness/Innocence)
Line 1 Weeding out grass, sod comes with it = each according to its kind. Changes to (25) Innocence. During a period of stagnation it is important to make changes. This is a period of rebuilding and a need to let go of old preconceptions and judgments to approach the atmosphere with a fresh perspective. An outward event may be guiding you toward big inner changes. To pull grass with sod attached can mean that the changes need not be dramatic. The soil allows you to make changes without upsetting what you have built. Honoring differences among others brings success.

Will I ever get his side (resolution)?
#54
Follow proper conduct to minimise effects on desires and problems in relationship.

Is there a way to erase that section of my life?
#39 > #56 (Obstruction > Wanderer)
Line 4 Going leads to obstruction = coming leads to union. Changes to (31) Influence/Wooing. Going leads to obstruction while coming back brings union. The idea of Wooing is how we attract people because of who we are not by chasing or selling ourselves. Going through difficulty shifts something within that allows others to recognize it is good to follow you. Perhaps you realize the importance of a relationship because of the threat of loss.

Line 5 In the midst of the biggest obstructions = friends arrive. Changes to (15) Authenticity. It is normal to feel alone when first pioneering change. Often others don’t understand why you would change the status quo. The closer you come to success, the more it seems opposition and competition become overwhelming. Because others begin to see the importance of what you are building they come to your aid. Getting to this point may have been the greatest challenge you have ever faced but once helpers and supporters rally to your cause the way forward moves towards a successful outcome. If you need help, don’t be too proud to ask for it.

Line 6 Going leads to obstruction, coming leads to good fortune = it furthers one to see the great one. Changes to (53) Development. The master said: “When great responsibility is about to befall one, life appears to confound all undertakings. Thereby it stimulates the mind, toughens the nature and improves all deficiencies.”By proving one’s tenacity in the face of Obstruction one becomes a vessel for distinguished service. You have the choice to give up or to become the great one. By joining forces or examining what is working for someone else you may find a solution to any difficulties.

Restore my dignity
#45 > #47 (Gathering together > Oppression)
The situation is not what you expected and you are drawn to those you do not understand. Even while you feel you do not belong, be open to the differences of others because providence is at play. If you sincerely want union, you may need to sacrifice the known and open to the unknown. One can only be exhausted through giving if there are strings attached. Trust where the situation is leading you and how it will change you.

Protect my future reputation
#19 > #7 (Approach > Army/Discipline)
Stand up for what you know to be right.

5/9/17

Bugging me that I don’t know what to do with my life
#27 > #30 (Nourishment > Clarity)
The company you keep and lifestyle is not nourishing you.
Having a great desire for something, so that it completely captures one’s attention. One is pursuing it intently. There is nothing wrong with this. Things go well.

Do I need to love him to forgive him?
#58 Joy
Feel good, spread goodwill. Joy is powerful.

How do I feel joy again at work?
#19 > #41 (Approach > Decrease)
Great hearted approach = good fortune. No blame. Changes to (41) Decrease. A compensating sacrifice takes place in an exchange, like a Sage returning from retirement to teach others. Put the needs of another before your own needs to harness this great hearted approach. The exchange will lead to good fortune for you as well because you decrease expectation and selfishness in the service of union.

6/9/17

I removed his demons and they entered me
#40 > #16 (Liberation > Enthusiasm)
Deceptive obstacles appear and your suspicions need to be investigated as truth or illusion.  If others are not demonstrating the same level of integrity as you, it may be wise to move on.

Part of me still wants to see him as innocent
#22 > #19 (Grace > Approach)
Give careful consideration to what is said in terms of substance by reflecting before speaking. Habitual responses will not do. Communication is measured so that it is not superficial. A message is received that embodies Controlled Power in thoughtful and Graceful communication. 

You can find yourself in a position to help someone but that doesn’t mean you should be manipulative. Providing or taking comfort is not a replacement for real fulfillment. You may need to strip away the ‘glistening’ façade and look clearly at the situation because it may not be what it seems. Don’t cover feelings or the truth with denial or escapist behaviour. 

Defer to your inspiration rather than ego and its aims and all will be well. In fact re-imagine yourself in a pure white garment untouched by the past to prepare to receive the future. If it is meant for you – it will come in its own time.

What “Incompleteness” am I dealing with?
#38 > #64 (Opposition > Before Completion)
Everything we experience gives us an opportunity to learn and grow and scratch beneath the surface.
Affirm devotion to higher principles.

So tempted to message him and try to get answers / solid clarity.
#47 Oppression
Take the time to self-assess.

Can I revoke the contracts?
#12 Standstill
Retract into yourself and have faith that things will improve if you stick to your plans and don’t give up.

When I took his demons, did it at least help him, or did it just destroy both of us?
#24 > #50 (Return > Cosmic Order)
Nourish what is good within yourself for the benefit of society at large.

Being friends with him again would restore so much angst within.
#54 > #62 (Maiden > Small)
There is not a lot you can do in this situation but it does provide some possibilities. Perhaps you walk away from a debilitating situation and achieve Liberation of some type. There can be fear associated with throwing down the crutches and hobbling down the road but it is Liberating.

Perhaps if you had all of the details of this situation it might shock you. The good thing is that you are only seeing half of it and this allows you to preserve. Sometimes less is more and if you are trying to uncover a reason to leave you will find it. We are either committed to staying or looking for reasons to go. You may be in a period of hibernation or soul searching and events can change quickly to bring you back out into the open. To be one-eyed is to concentrate on your own happiness and fulfillment without giving much thought to what others are doing.

In this situation powerlessness may be an issue. Either you need to take an inferior position with dignity or return to your power and reject the situation so you can achieve something better. A more fulfilling situation may be around the corner because you do not sacrifice your dignity.

I wanted to believe in people’s souls but this interaction has made me lose faith in my ability to trust or see kindness in others.
#21 Biting Through
Action: Discern
Oftentimes we feel that life is unfair. However, if we look at the natural world there is nothing resembling justice. Nature merely evens out its extremes or removes blockages to achieve balance and this truth will eventually come to light in the situations that you face. You are a part of nature. If you have attached yourself to illusions of right and wrong that block your forward progress, Biting Through will dispel the illusion. You can create a false sense of reality and believe it is real. Discernment is how the truth has to be given careful consideration even if you’d rather not face it. If you are expecting clarity from another, it might not be forthcoming. This is because they may feel too severely judged by you. The best way to communicate during a time of Biting Through is to put personal agendas aside to truly understand the needs of the other party. The other party’s needs and sense of purpose must align with your needs and sense of purpose. Often when exploring another’s intentions, the answer shows unavailability because of an immutable truth or law that blocks union. A prior commitment such as marriage or an incompatibility of age or lifestyle can obstruct progress. It is time for you to see the truth in this situation and until you do so, your progress may be blocked. Open to the possibilities that can emerge after the truth is clearly recognized.

How to trust in people again?
#55 Abundance
If you make your heart like a lake, life will continuously fulfill you.
The clarity of enlightenment comes when awareness is activated through this motion of increase and decrease. This can mean finding peace even while a situation is in decline. Operating from abundance means that by expecting that everything is moving exactly as it should, we need not hold onto anything. Because our arms are open, nothing comes to threaten our sense of peace. When operating from a state of scarcity, we are afraid of losing and cling too tightly to what we believe we need. In this condition, life appears to be fighting us. The lesson of this hexagram is to realize that since abundance exists, it will return.

How do I get confidence in myself again?
#43 > #10 (Breakthrough > Tread carefully)
Ridiculed but resolved to go. In this situation someone may feel that dignity is kept intact while leaving, regardless of what is left behind or what difficulties might arise in going. Others may not understand your decision to go but the pursuit of Joy is the Breakthrough you are after.

When a situation requiring a Breakthrough of some sort is ignored, or if you allow issues to be swept under the carpet, they will fester into decay. Not speaking up can only lead to demise where a new beginning is all that can be achieved. In attempting to maintain the status quo or to hold to your pride, you lose that which you desire. Speak up, you have nothing to lose.

Do I have archons?
#2 > #51 (Receptive > Shock)
It is important to follow your inner drummer but realize that some decisions cannot be undone. Once you take this step, there may be no going back. You may have to go against another’s wishes to take the path you feel is right for you. However, you may Return to face the consequences of your impulsiveness. Observe cycles in nature because if it looks like winter is coming, it probably is. You may have to contend with another’s coldness in response to your actions.

Awareness may be too narrow or being fearful, you miss out on the joy of discovery. You may be hesitant about entering a situation where you will gain benefit. There is no reason not to trust events and invitations. Your own attitude and outlook are diminishing the opportunity for joy and fulfillment. Open to the mystery of life without the need to classify the outcome.

Has work been infested with negative entities?
#63 > #22 (Completion > Grace)
One may put equal effort into something as someone else, but being sincere about it will decide whether one will actually reap the benefits.
His head gets wet. Danger. Being completely immersed in the situation. This is risky.
Making something beautiful. This makes for only little actual progress, as it isn’t about what actually matters.

Revoke soul contracts & agreements
#62 > #15 (Small is beautiful > Modesty)
Without blame, one does not pass the danger but meets it = be on guard and constantly persevering. Changes to (15) Authenticity. Rather than avoid the difficulty you choose to face it head on which is not a mistake. However, it is important to watch the situation carefully and be on guard for further disruption. The test of your character rests in being authentic and not just accommodating. Any mistakes made are simply an opportunity to discover more about yourself.

I miss loving life. I miss loving myself. I miss loving everyone.
#51 > #21 (Shock > Biting through)
Too shocked to move and unsettled in one’s self = the neighbours are hysterical but you are free of blame. Discussion of union brings gossip. Changes to (21) Biting Through. If you are in an anxious condition about a decision then it is probably better not to do anything just yet. Clarity is lost because fear is running rampant. Too much time focusing on how others view you or what they are doing is not a fulfilling way to live. You need to use discernment rather than judgement in this situation. Discernment allows the heart to have a voice while reasoning quietly ‘bites through’ the conflicting feelings. Once you can settle your fear and return to your own centre, you will know which is the proper course to take. 

What is he trying to achieve when he ‘slightly’ makes an effort to be nice?
#14 > #3 (great possession > youthful folly/playing the fool/innocence/inexperience)

Line 1 Releasing what causes harm = eliminating arrogance. Changes to (50) Cauldron. Since this is the beginning of Great Possessing success can go to your head. The only thing standing in between you and your object of desire is the need for humility. Things are not as easy as they appear, so there is a need for caution. Because you refuse the easier path and seek a higher aim, you are respected. Not holding a grudge and rising above the superficial works wonders.

Line 3 You are in a unique position to help another = no one else can do this. Changes to (38) Opposition. This is a line that suggests an attitude of abundance ensures that you don’t fall into conflict with others. Don’t measure what you give, it will only undermine your success in achieving your aim. The empty vessel of being open is always filled when in the service of others. A sacrifice may be required and another may rely on your support. However, know that sacrificing to others can also lead to their resentment which is not something you can control. There is a fine balance required, so if you open your hand make sure the gesture is with the attitude of abundance and not what you will receive in return.

Ok, what’s fucked up still is that imagining being in his arms and caring for him again “all would feel right with the world again”. Is it “rightness of me” stuff? What is this about?
#31 Woo > #34 Power

While the influence is being felt it is not yet being acted upon. There is something in the air, and you might have a great idea or attraction but there is more to do to make it a reality. Before movement can occur a time of Revolution or a change in outlook may be required.

It may seem like it is time to move, but you don’t have all of the facts. To avoid danger, control your response until the time comes when you will know when to act. Critical Mass is a condition of too much of something so your advances might not woo the situation favourably, but appear needy. Waiting will allow natural magnetism to manifest if the situation is correct for you.

You feel energized and ready to proceed and small boundaries can be crossed in order to express truth in a way that resonates with another. While an unconscious attraction has yet to reach consciousness because of boundaries, something stirs in the depths. It is beneficial to remain correct and proceed in small ways toward your goal.

What is my real motivations / what would resolve this “longing” to fix it?
#59 Dispersal
A warm wind in spring which gradually melts the ice.

I now am embarrassed to be me.
#46 Ascend
A message about patience and authentic interaction. Generally events happen so fast that we lose touch with the flow of what we are doing. If we nourish an authentic approach to each day, keeping in mind our intention while opening to the nurturing events that unfold to hone us, we can create a sense of fulfilling opportunities that lead to success. If we are neglectful or caught up in routines, nothing can flourish. Sheng focuses on purposeful action and asks that you examine the situation to see if real growth is occurring. Pushing Upward can also be a message about the need to leave a deteriorating situation if it is no longer serving growing. The emphasis should be on healthy growth and not ignoring deterioration. A promotion or other opportunity to expand outwardly is also indicated.

Hostile forces will keep you low.
#1 Creative forces
Be true to yourself and the creative forces of the universe will be at your disposal.
Trust that fate works in ways that are sometimes difficult to understand, but that you are learning lessons that will serve you well in life.

How to transcend this shame wound?
#49 > #31 (Molt / Woo)
Although the situation is going through a transformation, you are in the early stages and the time is not appropriate to act. Someone can be operating in fear and still in the chrysalis stage where they do not open to you. Rather than force their change, approach the situation in the way you get more bees with honey. You may need to win someone’s confidence before the change can take place.

Scared to trust myself
#20 > #57 (Contemplate > Gentle)
Not seeing everything. It is not helpful to place yourself in the centre of a situation with a wishful attitude. You will only see what you want to see. There is much that can’t be seen because your view is limited. Look at the situation from a broader view. Expand a self serving perspective into something that allows you to see more clearly.

An important decision must be made. Taking responsibility for the part you play in succeeding and failing allows you to make better choices. In a past situation one examines the truth of what transpired and comes to understand why things unfold the way they do.

Is it possible to have a world of unconditional love and kindness?
#58 Joy
Action: Encourage
Take aim at your heart and release your passion.
“Content in your circumstances and genuine in kindness, you are the expression of the love that renews all things.” A change in attitude shows us that while we can do little to change the events that unfold around us, a change in perspective can magically change everything. Be Joyous in thought and action and celebrate others. Since life is your mirror it will reflect joyousness back to you. To lay aside your barriers, you must first ‘set them up’ or come to understand how you block your ability to be joyful. Cultivating a sense of joy that you carry wherever you go can become a way of living. One who meets all experience as a growth opportunity, never fails and always succeeds. Like the sun, rise each day activating your subtle power of expansion to set off a chain reaction of abundance. Be the light of joy for others in their times of darkness.

Yet some are like .. why did he turn hostile?
#21 Biting Through
Nature is impartial = its only purpose is growth. This is a message that the need for clarity is not being recognized or acted upon. Perhaps you don’t want to rock the boat or prefer to go on believing that you can live in illusion. When a demand for justice over-rides a need to simply move on, only you will suffer. You are not being punished. You may be over-idealizing the situation or taking an easy path that can only lead to the Obstruction of your own growth. The situation is not hopeless but the outcome must clearly serve all involved. The need for clear communication and a sense of establishing boundaries is paramount. In many cases Biting Through unchanging is a message to wait because more information is coming. If you make a decision in haste you will miss out.

Ok then, why didn’t I see it?
#32 > #62 (Persistence/Duration > Small is beautiful)
Avoid extremes in action and find the middle way between receptivity and action. You may have complicated the situation with too much force and may need a more simple approach. By matching your fortitude to what the situation calls for, regret disappears and things flow more easily. 

Is it wrong to want to love everyone and raise their vibes?
#13 > #55 (Fellowship > Abundance)
Line 5 People cry, then laugh = after a struggle a meeting occurs. Changes to (30) Clarity. While you may feel outwardly separated from someone, in your hearts you remain connected. Regardless of the obstacles keeping you apart, Fellowship emerges again. Clarity shows the synergistic connection among people connected in Spirit. Because of the vicissitudes of emotional interaction, the connection grows deeper.

Line 6 People outside the city = distance prevents Fellowship. Changes to (49) Molting/Revolution. Warmth and connection is missing from Fellowship as people are interacting with a sense of distance. The connection may be bringing about transformation but there is an aloof quality to the interaction. 

Why do I feel so much restraint around him?
#62 > #55 (Small is beautiful > Abundance)
The bird meets with misfortune = through flying. Changes to (55) Abundance. The core message of Small Exceeding is to stop striving or pushing. Perhaps you are impatient or attempting too much too soon. The first step toward attempting to make changes through small efforts can fail if you are overly concerned with the outcome or what you will get. Remember that only small things can be achieved at this time.

How to dissolve that barrier?
#5 > #60 (Wait > Limitations)
You may feel stuck by the limitations others have imposed, or you have failed to abide by their limitations, which has brought matters to a stalemate. In either case, it is difficult to proceed because leaving seems impossible. Explore the idea of limitations to see if a win/win solution is possible. Patience, receptivity and a change in speed may be required.

How do I work on my vulnerabilities?
#1 Creative forces
Be true to yourself, work on lessons.

Was the experiences real?
#14 Great possession
Nothing has been lost = shine your light without searching. Ta Yu unchanging can be a message that you already have all that you need so stop searching.

What is a Lightworker’s purpose?
#17 Following
Follow the path that feels right.

How to remove implants/negative programming?
#31 > #26 (Woo > Controlled power) ??
#21 > #39 (Biting through > Obstruction) ??
Another is holding the position of power and causing restraint. Perhaps you have been unfairly judged. You are only seeing the obvious in this situation and need to look deeper. While you may have done nothing wrong, your actions have aroused Opposition. There is more to this situation than meets the eye so blame can be a smokescreen that covers up a deeper issue. 

We have consciously / unconsciously or in some way have “agreed to” soul contracts / implants / certain programmes
#21 Biting through
Overcome obstacles. Nature is impartial = its only purpose is growth. 

The IChing/Tarot can only give me such limited information and I no longer trust my mind because of him. How best can I get the insights from my team / trusted source / source creator / universal love?
#10 Tread Carefully
Make the “correct” choice and you will succeed.
Don’t be subservient or domineering to those below you.

What does source want from me?
#63 Completion
Order, chaos
then order again.
Such is the way
of the great
untangling.

Will clearing / cancelling contracts provide an ‘energetic’ permission-slip to breakthrough?
#13 > #43 (Fellowship > Breakthrough)
People meet in a clique = shutting others out is not good.  The Creative can only manifest by allowing for the innovative and even the conflicted energy of different opinions working like friction to create the fire of creativity. When the opportunity to grow through interaction is presented, one chooses to stay within familiar circles.

Sorry, I don’t get it?
#43 > #47 (Breakthrough > Oppression)
There is more examination and preparation needed in this situation. 

But if I stay true to what I know is utterly right.. I’m crazy.
#49 > #22 (Change/Molt > Grace)
Line 4 Remorse disappears and you are believed = a change in command brings good fortune. Your words are believed and any feelings of remorse, sadness or regret vanish. It may be that a changing situation seemed unfortunate at first but you realize it has changed for the better.

Even before questioning the oracle you are believed. Whatever the object of your enquiry, the changes you are contemplating will improve the situation and are supported. Because you are fearless in letting go of the old, this attitude of Abundance leads to success. 

Beginning brings misfortune but to remain persevering brings good fortune. You are undergoing a deep transformation that others may not understand. While attempting to conform to the needs or expectations of others you lose your way. Because you persevere through change eventually success is achieved. The change in other’s faces is their expression. It doesn’t really matter what others think of you as long as you are being true to yourself. 

Lisa Transcendence Brown
#21 > #18 (Biting through > Decay)
Encountering something unexpected. It is good to investigate what it is. This is a situation of progress.
(The hexagram name is about biting something, and then cracking it between the teeth, like one does with seeds. With this there is a risk of forcefully biting on something that is very hard, or something decayed. So one needs to investigate what one is biting on.)
> There is deterioration. Remedying it will make further progress possible. It is a good idea to do take on this large undertaking. One must prepare well, and keep a keen eye on how things are going.

??

How best to protect myself?
#11 > #30 (Peace > Clarity)
One needs to move elsewhere. It may be necessary to let go of friends, which is not the same as abandoning them. 
Moving to and fro, while not being supported by others. 
Being in a vulnerable position, without adequate defences. One cannot undertake things that require being strong. It is important to be fully aware of the situation. It is not a good idea to keep acting as if one isn’t vulnerable.

12/9/17

Eric Raines advice for entity removal
#18 > #29 (Decay / Abyss)
Any cleanup is a step in the right direction – get cleaning!

Is it appropriate to call in my team and Jesus for help with removing entities, attachments and implants?
#2 Receptive
Be open and receptive to the blessings from kindred spirits, allies, and helpers.

And am I open and receptive enough? (am I doing it right?)
#27 Nourishing
Nurture the spirit, the body, the thoughts.

I want to be clear of these entities
#21 > #27 Biting through > Nourishment
Biting through dried, gristly meat and encountering a metal arrow = laborious persistence brings success. Changes to (27) Nourishing Vision. A difficult situation feels like punishment because it is persistent and difficult to understand. This situation is an old one, but biting through it will provide rich nourishment. The punishment enables fault to be made clear, and by doing so, relations can improve. You are being taught by punishment to have more appreciation for what you have taken for granted. Success comes from understanding what you did wrong. The situation is not as gloomy as it appears and contains a silver lining if you can Nourish Vision through the trial presented.

Site Notifications/Chat: 

• Telegram Post Updates @JourneyToABetterLife (channel)
• Telegram Chatroom @JourneyBetterLifeCHAT (say hi / share info)
• Gettr Post Updates @chesaus (like fakebook)

Videos:

• Telegram @c19Videos
•  Rumble @ImportantCensoredVideos

Aussies

Reveal PayID 323

Or Buy me a Coffee (PayPal)