Journey

My morning pages (24 Sept 2015) didn’t make much sense to me as I was writing it, as in, part of me was like.. nah, but by the end, I get where it was leading to :) 

Any message I share with you is almost always a message to myself, something my own soul or part of me still needs to hear or contemplate.

Even if it feels like (to me) that it’s directed towards helping someone else in my life, the other person is really just the instigator or catalyst for arousing my own thoughts to observe, look at, discern, clarify and if it feels right, take on.

As is your advice to me or anyone else. What you feel can help others, is what you feel can help some part of you that still needs to hear this, or for some part of you have a voice.

An energy that is lingering within your field somewhere.

Your inner voice is communicated in many ways and there are many voices that we don’t listen to or allow to be heard because our conscious voice thinks it’s already kinda ‘evolved’ past that.

Even if you don’t feel the ‘trigger’ response to something, there are many layers, many energies, many cells, and ‘beyond’ that are sharing your field, creating and sharing this reality/experience with you.

Some energies are still swimming around your field from before you were born, some energies are still swimming around from past lives maybe or from parallel reality experiences, from dreams, from random thoughts that have a life and journey of it’s own, and from beyond your conscious mind. They are still experiencing some kind of pain, trauma, lesson or wisdom that it wants to express/communicate, be brought-up to learn & grow from. Some part that still needs love or to be dealt with in a nurturing way, completing the process, allowing the energy to move through; thereby clearing the blockages. They are unconscious blocks in our path.

Our conscious mind may express and try and stay tuned-into the person you think you are, the whole and complete, the perfect, the strong one that has no vulnerabilities or weaknesses. The way you think you “should” be as an infinite being.

But this world is to experience all of those vulnerabilities and adversities, weaknesses and challenges. All emotions and experiences are to be experienced here.

And every energy is experiencing that with you. Our job is to allow those energies to be completed – allow them to be heard and be loved.

Reconnecting that energy with source and taking on the wisdom, growth, compassion, love, lesson, or knowledge that the energy provided us with.

Until we do, it is still in our field; blocking new experiences because you are still experiencing this experience with that old-energy in your field. We can have a different, lighter and more freeing & loving experience by releasing the old and allowing the new. We can have a fuller, more aware and conscious experience once that energy has been able to express what it has learnt, by way of energy exchange, love, or release.

Appreciate and love. Show your gratitude to those energies that have inspired you to receive and experience any experiences that you came here for. It helps you “see through the eyes” of other aspects of you, and in this journey it has helped protect you from losing yourself, it has shielded you in ways that helped you not get too hurt.

We came here with the intention to love fully, to bring all our love into this world, experience and create. We chose our families and came in to love them. We bought all the love from the universe with us, we came here to help and love you all.

But somewhere along the way, we forgot. Part of the process / experience.

But we felt it in our core anyway. Children have a natural ability to love fully until it is conditioned out of them.

So we forgot who we are, and every heartbreak, every betrayal, every unmet expectation, every part of this world that expresses fear and hate, and what is right and wrong, this control, this “how we are supposed to be”, all these energies were experiencing all of that with us.

When we have finished the download/experience phase (the first 7 years or so, when we are just downloading – learning about our surroundings, learning what we need to survive, how to navigate this world, etc. Those years setup how our energies protect and direct the rest of the journey.

So around 7ish, we have already experienced the pain of not getting what we want, the pain of our love not being wanted, received or returned, what traits make others happy, how to get attention from our parents and peers, what methods work the best for getting what we want, how we are expected to behave, how to survive this particular environment, and what to be afraid of.

And by then, we have a million different experiences of “less than” and “not good enough” and “not wanted” as well as any illnesses we manifested along the way.

Now we are semi-conscious but we don’t have the tools and insights that we will get much later as we navigate through the maze, so our energies help us get through the pain. Helps us be strong when we feel weak, be brave when we feel scared, be ok when we feel like falling apart, puts a shield around us when we feel vulnerable. Helps us “get through” another day.

To deal with the day by day challenges and experiences that we encounter without “becoming completely broken”, it gives us an inner drive to “not give up”, to not let it beat us. Reminding us that we are more than this, that we will make it.

We learn to shut off our love because our love is too much.
We learn to ask for permission.
We learn how “not” to be ourselves so that we can appease the world, we just want them to be happy, we do it out of love for them.
We go through the motions of being human and try to navigate the world without the help of those who have hurt us.

Those energies are the barrier to our soul.

Every now and again, we are able to bare our soul for brief moments as we gain close friendships and share our love with another. But they also have their barriers, conditioning and energies “protecting” them and so eventually you get more proof or validation that it is not safe to love in this world. To close your heart. It is not ok to love people fully in this world, that you are only allowed to “care” from a distance, give “less than” your full love, give just “pieces” of your heart, because opening up fully is not wanted or being received. The pain you feel is quickly protected by the energies that are here to protect you.

As you get into personal growth or become more aware of these inner beliefs that are not serving your life, you don’t need to have this hardened barrier around your heart and within your field putting out the fires as they come up to “burn you”. As you evolve, you become aware that this is what we came here to do, love fully, love unconditionally. You came here to share this world with others, and to create and experience everything fully. And those things that come up to “burn you” are here to “help you” and you receive the insights that help you look at things in a higher-evolved state, a way that helps serve your life without needing the walls and barriers to continue fighting those fires for you, that those fires are not here to destroy you at all, just showing you where you need to love yourself more, showing you the way out of the cave, lighting the lanterns on the roadmap to guide you through the maze of life.

You start gaining the wisdom, insights, knowledge or mindset to help yourself more “consciously” see things from a more ‘birds-eye’ view.

You no longer need these energies that are still blocking you, still “helping” you, and still “shielding” you from receiving pain.

In fact, those energies that were once shielding you are now blocking you from experiencing unconditional love, from being totally present in your relationships, from being able to show who you really are, and from being able to create any kind of reality you desire.

It’s for this reason, that as you become aware of these energies, it’s time for you to release them because just by being aware that you “want” to open yourself up fully and become who you are again, doesn’t just make those energies go away. They were with you all the way. They were with you for all your experiences. They were there for you in traumatic times, sad times, grief, love, lost love, tragedies, arguments, and friendships.

They were along for the whole ride, they are your friends; Guardians of your Soul.

Once you realize they are no longer needed, that you will live a fuller, more complete life without those barriers, that you are grown-up enough or evolved enough now to handle fear, pain and love fully without their “protection”, it’s time to let them go.

And you do that through loving them and surrendering.

Thanking them for being with you, for keeping you safe and protected.

That everything you experienced didn’t break you, because they were there.

Ready to live life fully free, full now, without the barricades to your soul that are holding you back to experience things fully and deeply with all the wisdom and knowledge you gained along the way and learn to live this world being your real, raw infinite loving soul that you came here to be?

You first have to be aware that they were only trying to help you. And as they arise, experience them fully, allow them to share with you fully what they need to express. Love them. They have taken on all of your grief, pains, fear, anger, hurt, worry, stress: they were hurting to help you.

Surrender to them.

Don’t just think them away or put them to the back of your mind when they come up. Feel into them. Appreciate them. Love them. Trust, and Let Go. Have faith that you have evolved enough to handle what they have to express and communicate to you. Allow yourself to grieve. Essentially… “give up” trying to control the outcome, trying to control the situation; allow them to be released, allow them to be heard, allow them to communicate. Breathe & love through them.

The release you will feel after you have felt into their pain and given back your love to them, you are freeing them from your soul, allowing them to reconnect to the light. You are essentially nurturing them just as they have done for you all these many years through all these millions of experiences.

You can also work on energies in your field that are not showing themselves to you.
The ones that are lying dormant from past experiences long forgotten by your conscious mind but still in your field, awaiting a similar experience to shield and protect you, still in your field helping direct your daily decisions and keeping you from fully being able to create the reality you want to create and experience things as your true self.

It’s difficult to locate and surrender to energies that lie dormant within you, but you know they exist if you are still not being able to experience creating what you desire or feeling how you want to feel.

If you find yourself sabotaging your friendships and relationships, still feeling “less than” or not worthy, not able to achieve abundance or your heart’s desires, still judging other infinite beings for not living the way you think they should live, still trying to control outside circumstances to help keep you safe, then you still have walls or blockages that are trying to protect you, that are also barricading you in from being able to fully experience what you came here for. To be you. The real you. The core of you.

And there are now thousands of methods and tools available to us to help us release these hidden barriers to our soul – from those who have shared how they were able to release their own energies.

My big message to myself was to start speaking my truth. That was an instrumental starting point in bringing out these hidden energies, showing me where I felt fear, anxiety and “less than”. Showing me where I didn’t love myself, and showing me where I didn’t love others.

To hear your Inner Voice: Journalling, writing, hear what comes out of your mouth, observe what you post, witness your advice to others, pay attention to your thoughts, feel where your body is trying to communicate through ways of pain or dis-ease.

EFT, Emotion Code, Healing Code, Access Consciousness, etc.
These methods can find hidden and conscious Heart Walls and energies to allow you to release them.

Hypnosis, any kind of Regression therapy, Timeline Therapy and psychologist / counselling type methods are methods that can help you locate suppressed traumas to bring to the surface and deal with.

Any kind of method that increases your chi could be used for raising your vibrations while you deal with and let go of these energies:
Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Yoga, Walking, Hiking in Nature, Acupuncture, Shower, Swim in Ocean, etc.

Massage, cupping, exercising, rebounding, dancing, any kind of “movement” can be used to help disturb, move, and release energies.

Listening to guided-meditation or Self-hypnosis audio’s can help you direct and release energies.

Reiki, Quantum Touch, or any kind of Pranic or “intentional” energy healing work may also help not only with your own intentions (our intentions and beliefs create our reality) but with their intentions and beliefs, creates a co-creating experience of energy healing on the body/soul.

You may release hundreds of energies spontaneously when the energies that show themselves to you come up to be loved and released. The ones that show themselves are the ones that are ready to be let go. You are ready for these ones. They are the ones waiting to be expressed, wanting to communicate with you, wanting to be worked-out. They are showing you where you need love and once you love them and understand the message they have for you, they will be released.

Let’s talk about love though.

Love means different things to different people. Love cannot be defined, it is felt. But because the English language uses the word love to mean so many different kinds of love, and because as we have navigated this journey having many different experiences and versions of love, we are all pretty much messed-up with our definition of love.

For most of us, love is a reminder of when we were not loved back, or when our love was not received, or when our love was not valued or wanted and to some it means some kind of sexual love, or it could have negative connotations such as vain-ness “you love yourself”. 

Love for many has low negative vibrations that we may not even be consciously aware of because we have experienced and redefined so many different expressions of love. So we want to feel this true love, but we have all these beliefs, thoughts, and energies that are putting the alarm bells on whenever we try and open our heart and feel into this love again.

Love for many is something you don’t want to do to appease those around you, or something you don’t want to do to protect yourself from being vulnerable or weak or hurt or made fun of.

Many have the definition that “love hurts” and can only bring with it an eventual pain, grief and emptiness.

The love that I am referring to is when all those negative versions and definitions of love are released and only pure love from the universe, from your Infinite soul, that pure full innocent love that you came here with before all the surrounding experiences taught you to define it differently.

The love that is a feeling of oneness and wonder and fills you with light and positive vibrational energy. The love that has no boundaries, no conditions, no barriers.

You may even be in a space right now where you can’t ever recall experiencing such a love. It’s not something you ‘get’ from another human (although it can be experienced with other humans), it is a love you “get” from your own soul. It is accessible to you. And once you feel it, you will no longer carry many of the burdens you are carrying.

Surrendering to that love fills all your emptiness and beyond.
Touches you and pulls you into the Universe.
Shows you how we are all connected, loves you beyond and infinitely and you feel it right back… it gives your life new meaning.

That love is worth opening up your heart for.
It’s worth releasing the barriers for.
That Infinite Unconditional love is worth it.

Everything you consciously do to experience that love will be worth it.

And even if you can’t feel that love right now (even after I experienced it, I’ve had trouble finding it again), but knowing it exists and is within us, connecting us all and all that is, is all I need to be able to share that version of love anyway. I can still “live” from that place of love, knowing that it’s there, without experiencing it 24/7.

I got there by surrendering my ego, and I’m living back in ego now. The ego is my identity to the world, it is driving my vehicle to navigate this world, it is the part of my soul that is communicating with this world. I don’t need to kill it off completely (when I use the words “death of the ego”, I am referring to these energies that keep us from being all we are). So reminding my ego that we are Infinite Beings having a Human Experience and reminding it of the love that it feels when it remembers that love, helps me direct my identity/ego/human vehicle to what’s important for me and to help others experience less suffering by showing them what is possible for their soul when they shed what is no longer serving them and become who thy are meant to be.

Even those who have experienced it need reminders in this world. 60,000+ thoughts and beliefs and energies are constantly running the show everyday on auto-pilot. And most of those thoughts are the same today as they were yesterday. If we don’t remind ourselves of our souls potential for love regularly, if we don’t remind ourselves of our infinite possibilities, if we don’t “direct our own show”, we can let that automatic programming shut off our heart again. Become “default” again instead of creating our reality. Become “zombies” instead of powerful creators and conscious directors of the show.

While we are aware of it and direct our focus and attention on re-experiencing it, it can help us move through the lower vibrations. To keep working through releasing barriers to it, peeling off the layers, and fully emerging and creating our lives from a higher, more loving, more powerful, and infinite space.

Be you.

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