Live in your own integrity (align with your soul)

IN Dark Night of the Soul
  • Updated:2 years ago
  • Reading Time:13Minutes
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I rarely journal these days. I used to sit for hours and hours and pour out journals upon journals of writing’s from where? I do not know, but for the past couple of years… “nothing has came to me”, because I stepped ‘out of alignment’ to my truth. I’m surprised at what I felt compelled to write this morning whilst sitting at the cafe, and think this is just the beginning of re-integrating a new level of awareness about life from the journey over the past few years coupled with the validation yesterday that my experiences were not ‘crazy’. I have never been at ease with using the word God or the “divine” before. I always called ‘that thing’, “source” or “the universe”. I feel it is that sensation of your own sense of integrity – what is right/wrong within your own value system. Something has changed lately. Something is trying to come to an understanding within.

Money can’t buy living in alignment to your soul

  • We still have lessons, growth, expansion, challenges, missions, levels; opportunities to level-up.
  • Not ‘at ease’? Notice the lesson, look for what your soul is trying to show you. What would God do? Your soul is out of alignment with something. You might not identify it right away, but your soul/guides/inner-truth is communicating with you and wanting you to take notice of something. What would your ‘life-review’ teach you about what you are observing/feeling right now? What would ‘feel good’ at the soul level, what is the right-thing by your soul/heart? What would kindness do, what would compassion do, what would humility do, what would benevolence do?
  • Know that sometimes what is “right by society” is still not “right by your own soul”
  • You may feel connected to someone or repulsed by them.
  • If you think ‘they’ are the narcissist, have you considered the opposite?
  • Opposites are brought together to expand, create, grow. Take the best from each other. You help each other level-up. They may have discipline and you don’t, you may have love & compassion & kindness and they don’t. You both need each other’s current worldview’s in order to learn more about yourself.
  • Everything is perfect, the chaos is perfect.
  • In your life-review, your dearest moments will be moments of unconditional love – where you chose kindness, forgiveness, divine love; soul-level choices.
  • We’re here as imperfect beings learning how to see the world through the divine. It takes lifetimes.
  • Achieving greater capacity for compassion, unconditional love, joy.
  • The divine is within you and all around you. Everything you witness is an experience to help you.
  • Do not shame yourself for not being ‘there’ for this is the reason you are ‘here’.
  • The divine does not see you as ‘less than’ or have shame for the level you are on; indeed the divine is guiding you, trying to show you how the divine sees all of life, loving you, giving you this opportunity to share the level of love life has for you. This is your mission for you to see, understand and experience until you see it as the divine does.

What are negative attachments / demons?

  • A manifestation by the divine; directed by your own soul. An unresolved fear to work through, an un-realized / un-serving belief, an uncleared trauma to clear, a stuck emotion to release, a spot you haven’t learned to love as the divine would love. An un-forgiveness, a shame, a vengeful ‘non-divine’ thought-pattern, an unaccepted judgement, an un-truth, a division/separation a dark/light instead of one-ness thought. You choose what it is, your soul chooses how you experience it so that you can learn, but ultimately, we are all heading towards unity and seeing it all as the divine helping us know ourselves ‘know creation’. Know the unending expansion of creation. That we co-create opportunities for us to learn about ourselves, to evolve, expand, create and experience creation.

  • Harmony; unity with ourselves & the world & the whole of creation is the journey we are on. Learning to love ourselves as the divine loves us is the ultimate mission. Levels, dimensions, universes, all space & time.
  • Love does not mean ‘meak’. Humble does not mean ‘weak’. They don’t mean victim, they don’t mean “allow people to harm you”. Love and being humble is empowering.

  • We are here to open our hearts to love.
  • We’re all God’s children & we are also part of God. We are creation exploring creation. We are all important drops in the ocean that also make up the ocean. We are creation experiencing itself. Every tiny speck is a universe in of itself, experiencing itself. Every soul, every dot, every particle, every seed, all have a role to play in the dance of creation.
  • You are each experiencing creation in your own way; through infinite lives, infinite beings, every grain of sand, each drop of water, every molecule of air, every atom, every cell – all having a meaningful role to play in creation.
  • Your child is murdered, you became or are born crippled, you are a celebrity, you take care of animals, you are a blade of grass, a mosquito or bug, you are the murderer & the rapist, the victim and the victor, the father and the sister, you are lying on a beach, sitting on a couch, you are egotistical and you are shallow, you have unique features & every experience is a unique way of looking at creation, is a valid way of looking at creation, IS creation experiencing creation, IS creation participating in creation, IS creation learning about creation through every aspect of creation learning about itself whilst creating. You are each part of the ripple-effect of creation.
  • Each of us a unique part of creation, a role, an avatar, “part of the show”. All part of creation, creating and experiencing creation. Nothing and noone is invalid.
  • We are creator experiencing authentic expression of what has been created and learning to love all as the divine sees it. Each is valid. Each is loved. Each is an experience of creation experiencing creation.
  • We are all God’s perfect children. Diversity: opposites meet to harmonize and create.

  • “You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you… you feel like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much”

  • Wondering now if this is a playlist from a staff member in the cafe and that I’m on candid camera or are my guides trying to tell me something?
I wanna know what they’re not tellin’, And I don’t wanna hear no lies, I just want something to believe in, Ah, it’s a lonely, lonely road I’m on this side of paradise, There ain’t no crystal ball, there ain’t no Santa Claus, There ain’t no fairy tales, there ain’t no streets of gold, There ain’t no chosen few, ya it’s just me and you. That’s all we got yeah, that’s all we got to hold on to, Yeah this side of paradise. I remember bein’ a little boy in the backseat, nine years old, Always askin’ questions, never did what I was told, And then I get to thinkin’ like I always do, We wander ’round in the darkness, but every now and then, A little light shines throughBryan Adams
  • when you don’t see the world, see life as creation, as the divine sees life, you feel “off”, “not at ease”, “not good”.

  • Not your worldly materialistic and ego/social-status successes, but what you ‘did with that’.
  • How you helped ‘other you’s’; every choice has a ripple effect. Ripples of creation. Learning how every choice ‘creates’. Every choice-point becomes a ripple-effect and how that affects others. Creation learning creation and learning how to ‘create more perfectly, create more love’.
  • Learning what would help ‘other you’s’ more, learning how to improve, learning to do-better, learning unity, learning more divinely, as we become aware of our divine nature, that we are here to learn – through the eyes of divinity. To experience life and create life, and to learn from that experience to create more of what feels more divine.
  • Your life-review will be filled with moments you may of found insignificant but had a ripple-effect of love, compassion and kindness, moments of connection, it had a ripple-effect out to others and those are the moments you will prize in your lifetime here.
  • Moments where you were not doing it for any reward, but will be rewarded when you see the loving outcome that happened as a ripple-effect of something you did, whether it was significant or insignificant to you at the time.
  • And there will be moments when you will see the ripple-effect that resulted in outcomes that could’ve been done a different way to bring a better result to all. There is no wrong in that, but you will see how your actions affected others. This is probably what compels us to “come back” and do another million or so lifetimes. Another opportunity to be-better, do-better, be a more significant ripple-effect, listen to our soul more, have a greater impact on what is for the ‘greater good of all’.
  • Seeing all experience, as teaching you how to love. Teaching benevolent love. Divine love.
  • Forgiving your sins as the divine forgives our sins. (I’ve never written this religiously before!)
  • Holding space for yourself and others to live and learn through an alternate, authentic, unique, expression of creation.
  • Holding space for the children of God that are on a level where they are learning some deep lessons, going through traumas, are full of hostile/vengeful energy, experiencing the opposite of love & forgivness, of kindness & compassion, not trusting their soul – putting their soul separate than their movie-scene, their unique journey is still an important part of creation.
  • And sending a ripple-effect, a wave of love/trusting that their soul knows what they are doing. They are exactly where they have chosen to be for their soul’s lesson that they came here for.
  • Not thinking that you are any higher or lower or better or worse-off, but trusting the level you are on, that you live infinite lifetimes to understand all aspects of co-creation and that you are learning what you came here to learn and they are learning what they came here to learn.
  • Trusting the journey.
  • Trusting the divine.
  • Trusting your soul.


  • Oneness whilst in human form is not without boundaries. This was the toughest lesson for me to learn (and continue learning) that I haven’t quite understood yet as I know that I’m still participating in “this level”.
  • When I first realized oneness, I had not understood boundaries. I saw boundaries as a form of separation and I couldn’t make it ‘fit into my reality’. This caused the most amount of grief and growth lessons throughout my life and I’m only recently starting to grasp it as I practice it in this current level.
  • Part of trusting your own heart’s journey, your own soul’s journey, is living true and authentic to your soul; that which is in ‘alignment to your soul’ (in other words: what feels right for you morally and ethically at whatever level you are on).
  • What feels wrong / is ‘out of alignment’ with your own inner-truth, and it feels horrible.
  • That discernment between trusting your own soul – what is in alignment to me and what is a lesson for me to learn and grow from. i.e. a boundary I can expand as I learn to trust and accept and realize that all is divine but – not ‘rush’ the process, to really learn and grow from the level I’m on… to push past barriers that are holding me back but to not do anything ‘out of alignment’ to where my soul-level is at (that which feels morally and ethically right for me at any given moment).
  • Every experience, every moment is an opportunity to learn. To learn about yourself and your part in creation. To learn about another and their part in creation.
  • Learning through ‘opposites coming together’ without sacrificing your own integrity. Without sacrificing your own honour. Not living out of integrity to your own soul. Real empowerment.


  • Being aware and taking responsibility for the level of the game you are on.
  • You are always experiencing the next level of your soul’s journey. Your own unique, personal ‘hero’s journey’.
  • Accepting your limitations, boundaries, and personal missions and challenges.
  • When another, one of your opposites ‘crosses’ your boundary (that area which aligns with your soul and that crossing that area ‘doesn’t feel right’), you sense it but you may not know what it is after a lifetime of brainwashing and social conditioning.
  • This is the level I’m on. Unfolding as I write this. I am now ‘aware’ of my boundaries. And I’m learning now how to understand the difference between healthy-boundaries and living authentic to my soul and wanting to ‘grow my soul’ to not have boundaries but to trust that I have these boundaries because that’s the level I’m on.
  • When I understand it, I’ll have more of an idea on how to navigate it. I’m learning as I go. It’s especially hard to get my mind around oneness and the ‘separation’ of ‘boundaries’. Love, divine love, unconditional love. etc.
  • But right now, I feel so proud of myself and so empowered and have more self-love for myself for being able to – for the first time in my life – hold space for my own soul, my own inner-child, my own ‘divine child within’, by not allowing another to cross my boundary, by risking ‘him not loving me’. This people-pleasing (that I thought was unconditional love), was actually a self-worth issue, a feeling of worthlessness – an empty space that I was trying to get ‘others to fill’, seeking their love and approval so that I can fill that empty space of worthlessness. I did lose him – and it’s like… I knew beforehand that that’s how it would play out if I didn’t ‘play the game his way’. I didn’t allow him to cross my boundary as my soul was saying “wait – hold your horses missy!”, and I trusted my soul. Finally, after a lifetime of ‘seeking love and approval from others’ chose to validate and honour my own soul’s journey. It felt so good, even though the losing him part of it was challenging – yet empowering also when I went through my own processing for it.
  • It still allowed me to learn from the connection – to learn about myself through another. To learn about my own strengths, weaknesses, and things I want to discipline myself to work on, that only came about through the ‘meeting of opposites’. Creation experiencing creation. Creation meeting a different creation and learning/evolving/growing oneself.
  • It showed me issues I had with trusting others, and learning where my boundaries are and where I still have trauma and ‘stuckness’. I got the lesson in awareness. I trusted my soul instead of the little girl trying to get external approval and love.

If someone isn’t displaying the same level of integrity as you – it may be time to move on.Tao
  • Life’s puzzle is starting to make sense for me again.

  • Let your soul guide you along the way”  (lol this cafe radio is really pulling them out for me today.. I keep smiling as different versus of songs catch my attention as they are relate to what I’m writing)

  • The lesson was “Live in your integrity and learn yourself… know yourself
  • Know your boundaries, trust your boundaries, trust your inner-truth, your own guidance system.
  • Know what your values are. Know your own level of integrity.
  • If you live outside of your integrity – it is very painful. Most of what society deems ‘normal’ now is living ‘out of my own integrity’. That’s why this world is painful for me sometimes. It’s an acceptance that a lot of those in society don’t see life the same as me, accepting that they can do what they like – that they are living from their level of integrity, and that I still have to live true to my own level of integrity but that I have to compromise and learn to love creation for what it is, and learn what I have the power to change / be the better ripple-effect for, and what I don’t have the power to change, but that I can still move-towards a life that is living to my own level of integrity.
  • If you feel like your boundaries – your level of integrity – is harming your own connections with others – and is part of your soul’s journey to ‘overcome’; go at your own pace and trust in your own guidance.
  • Trust in your own level of the game that you will ‘create space’ to learn at your own pace to expand the boundary if you feel that’s your path to do so.
  • Wherever / whatever you are is an opportunity to experience creation from your unique aspect, so nowhere is really a mistake, always just opportunities to experience creation; to learn about yourself/creation through interacting with or observing creation from wherever you are.
  • Yet, you also had things you intended to experience – other plans for this existence – ideas and marker’s that you had for this particular lifetime. You have freewill to change your mind about anything you decided ‘pre-incarnation’. But your soul always has an inner-guidance system, a knowing of what you wanted to experience whilst in this form – a compass directing you this way and that to get the soul lessons and experiences that you intended for this life. Following that guidance will enable you to overcome obstacles and intentionally take steps towards your path. Your path will drive you – or it will ‘feel like the right way’ when you hit on it… and it will never cross your boundaries or level of integrity, but what you wanted to achieve may be 10 levels from where you are, and you may be pulled to complete many different challenges to reach particular soul-goals – some of them may feel like “what the fuck guys.. what the fuck… “… but in the “eyes of creation” are exactly what you needed/created to give you the skills and perspective and abilities to be able to reach your hero’s journey / soul potential / divine will / intentions / goal posts / dreams.

Penny (
Penny (

Truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper, ever trying to 'figure it out'. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, & random points of interests.