Making Hostile Forces “innocent” for Self-Work

IN Dark Night of the Soul

Choosing to take responsibility for our own place in the game. Not blaming & shaming, not doing anything other than recognizing/acknowledging the “real you” – your authenticity … and sometimes we’re in scenarios where we’re “learning on the fly” that this “is NOT” us.. and NOT what we want, and that we are going against our own soul – because it is painful instead of easy…

(and it’s not about avoiding those interactions, it’s about embracing all aspects of life and learning)….

and unless you can consciously pinpoint those parts of you that are humiliated, grieving, ashamed, regretful, wanting to be acknowledged, and learn/grow/evolve and “change”.. (rather than blame 100% on the external), then those parts are still going to “ache” as life reflects our scene back to us – it’s going to feel like you are not in control of your own life, you’re going to keep yourself a victim, and everywhere you turn, life is going to trigger you because the “external” is still reflecting where in you, that wants to acknowledge where you are “not”… oh this is so hard to explain..



It’s not love, it’s not hate.. it’s “YOUR PAIN”… a pain that you have been holding onto. Your interpretation of it as shame/guilt or humiliation or disgust… it’s your embarrassment, your fears… 

If you were to define it as your own self-punishment… it’s you “punishing yourself” – (punishment being “your darkest fears”) .. .coming up again and again and again until that fear is dealt with, heart, acknowledged … and learned from.

We have been programmed to ignore our pain, to … suffer through it, to have “strength”, to deny it… and our ego – instead of allowing you to acknowledge it as your pain, is now trying to protect you – by putting up the defenses and saying “be strong, it’s them – not you, you are fine, you are strong, you are ok”… and you can see how that is helpful when you are a child but when you get older, it’s like – we are now mature enough to deal with our own shit, but we’re now programmed to “be strong”… so we don’t acknowledge the pain anymore… but it’s still there – stabbing you… the wounds are still there and until you deal with them, other people can easily poke your wounds – even unintentionally. 


You investigate the pain, and you acknowledge your legitimate fear, and it was a fear because you had never experienced it before and learn more about yourself.. what is true for you, what is “good” for you, more & more of you is unveiled/revealed/learned.. you are carving away your authenticity… exploring all aspects/shades of being human … for the adventure? Who knows.

Original (Longer) Version

Penny (
Penny (

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.