Dark mark on my soul after betrayal

IN Dark Night of the Soul

What was I thinking? I’m disappointed with myself, ashamed of myself, humiliated, and if I hadn’t of been in crazy lala land… why – how – and what could I have done to prevent myself getting into that situation and why didn’t I pay attention to logic at the time?.. The bitter pill of regret.

I had so much certainty that I couldn’t be harmed, that I was immune because I was “helping” lol.. & now because of my ignorance and lack of knowing how to discern my own intuition, there’s a stain on my soul.

Struggling with how do I still see everyone as equal, which is what this world needs as a solution, and how I can trust my own instincts, to notice the red flags, to know what is right or wrong, and navigate life.

I don’t want to judge other people, I want to trust.
I want to trust that other’s don’t have negative intentions towards me, I don’t want to feel helpless again.

I know the answer is to “know thyself” and live authentically and sincerely true to my soul.
Humiliation & shame is soooo hard to admit. The ego wants no part in taking any responsibility – it wants to protect us from the deep shame and regret.

I don’t want to hurt or hate anyone. I only have the best intentions for other souls – even if they have harmful intentions, I want to see it all as “life teaching me that aspect” – for exploring that aspect even when it goes terribly wrong. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others. I hope I’m right about this lol.. ugh! The insanity of it all.

I don’t want to upload this video.

Original (Longer) Version: Shadow Work ~ Shame, Humiliation & Soul-Wounds

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.