My Dark Night of the Soul musings…

IN Dark Night of the Soul
  • Updated:7 years ago
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random babble of my own acknowledged stages of returning to authenticity

inauthentic > programmed > self-doubt > mask > deluded > disingenuously seeking high / happy / joy >
empathy > compassion > ego saviour > kindness > love > care > neediness
lesson: life > mirror > opportunity

dark night of the soul > ego defenses > blame > hurt > victim > vengeance > anger > rage > woe
lesson: life > mirror > opportunity

guilt > regret > humiliation > fear > sadness > worry > despair > ashamed > sorrow > embarrassed > self-punishment
“ie.. your deepest fears living on you, pushing on you, threatening you at every moment whilst you allow your ego to put on a mask and pretend all is well”
lesson: life > mirror > opportunity
(learn/grow/expand/embrace the wisdom & return to authenticity or …suppress > wear-masks “blame external”/defensive-mode/continue to carry pain/triggers)

acknowledge your part > acknowledge your pain > acknowledge your mistakes > (i.e. wisdom = acknowledge what you wish “you” would’ve done differently) > mask removal > return to centre > modesty > humility > return to sincerity
lesson: authenticity

/end cycle…

new cycle... new journey … new exploration.. next lesson.. rinse & repeat.. for eternity? oh gosh .. hehe

everyone you meet has something to teach you – about yourself, about life, about what pains you, or triggers you or aspects of you that you have never explored… the energies of “more than one” coming together with their own fears and own expectations and own aspects yet unexplored – coming together to explore.. to create a new “something that has never been” … there is no other you.. these unique diverse aspects coming together.. newness.. something unexplored is always being created.. and you don’t know whether that aspect of you that had remained unexplored before is beneficial or harmful / resonates with your soul or hurts.. until you actually explore it, spontaneously and fully.

It’s painful and it’s fun.. and it’s growth.. it’s life.. it’s change.. it’s revolutionary.. or it can seem like a broken record on auto-repeat.. if you don’t allow yourself to adapt with the newness of you and your environment or if you can’t yet forgive yourself or others for what we didn’t know ‘before the journey’.. before the exploration of those aspects were created.. that we only found out because of the journey and that life gives us these opportunities to learn..

Sometimes you don’t want to explore those aspects again – they were inauthentic to who you are.. (that’s the “pain”).. but you “explored it anyway” or got swept away in it, or life gave you that opportunity… cos it’s only by participating, exploring, spontaneously living/being there… “part of the creation” in that particular situation… that you got to learn about different unexplored aspects of you.. it’s only in hindsight that you recognize what insults your soul.. it’s only in hindsight you gain more wisdom.. we understand life backwards.. you can’t know until you.. experience.. until you participate.. until you try..

Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s major PTSD.. sometimes you ignore all your instincts or feel powerless… but life is still, giving us opportunities to return to authenticity..

Forgiviness of others and forgiveness of ourselves… for being human.. for not having all the answers.. for not knowing the perfect path .. we don’t know what we’re doing on this planet.. or whether we’re here for this.. this opportunity.. to learn about ourselves.. to explore all shades of being human – with all it’s physical limitations and fears and complex conditioning and lol.. all the rest of the unique diverse crazy soup-mix that we are .. and we can learn and share way more aspects of ourselves when we are doing it with the help of others… and it seems like.. life is just a cycle of this.. newness being created by the diversity of uniqueness.. coming together.. creating new.. correcting imbalances.. showing us who we are.. but never giving us all the answers.. & whilst we yearn for that, would we want that? or is that while we’re here.. I think we’re like in “kindergarten” mode of all that we don’t know… and are yet to explore.. ..

life is ever the “waiting to find out what happens in the next episode”.. we’re always on the edge of our seats wondering what next will be revealed.. hehe.. we’re like.. the cube movie.. remember that one? dropped into this matrix of rooms with it’s unique challenges – not knowing why we’re here.. never knowing which room is going to be fun/fellowship/joyful, and which is going to require a bit of complex contemplation, strategy, and wisdom gathering.. and with this cube.. we’re like, always coming together and ever-changing and creating something new.. the cycle doesn’t end.. it continues and is ever new, never been lived before.. never been explored before.. because your uniqueness and their uniqueness.. is new.. unexplored territory.. this moment is new.. the next moment is new.. you’ve never lived this moment before.. or you can go down that rabbit hole too.. and that’s also the cool thing about being human.. you choose how you uniquely perceive .. you choose the lens you wish to wear.. or you allow others to choose the lens for you.. which is still a choice you chose.. hehe..

ahh midnight ramblings on facebook..this is more fire-side musings.. need to go camping.. 

Penny (
Penny (

Truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper, ever trying to 'figure it out'. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, & random points of interests.