Just before the worst.. about 6 months leading up to the end of my business, relationship and losing my house and so on.. I was under a great deal of stress and continued to not be able to breathe, leave the house, get off the couch, depression, and started getting sores on my body… but the biggest thing that I was really scared about at the time was suffering with a major headache that would never go away. To give you an idea.. I would buy 2 packets of Nurofen a week.. (like paracetomol or asprin – I don’t know what the american equivalent is.. maybe advil?).. whereas right now… I buy one packet for an entire year .. only use it every other month or so for “that time of the month” and I share the packet with my sister.
I started to think I had a tumor. Actually I was pretty frightened and convinced I had a brain tumor. The doctor didn’t take me seriously and I had to insist on getting a brain scan done but nothing alarming came up on the test. But eventually it got so bad, that I could barely get off the couch. I would just lie there, cos moving hurt too much.
At the same time, my blood turned into a dead-persons blood – I need to figure out a way to describe it, I don’t think I’ve ever known the medical term for it – if there is such a term. My blood was thick.. like, everything felt “stringy”.. when I walked and moved my arms and shoulders, it felt like “goop or glue” was running through my veins, that I was held together with stringy stuff, not blood. Everything hurt as far as shoulders and back and head especially .. and for the first few months I would put it down to posture – always sitting at the computer because I was an internet marketer, but it continued to be like that even after I was no longer able to sit up at the desk. I would give myself massages and go and get massages and other therapies to try and move my blood around. and Despite many years studying natural healing – I was well and truly stuck in the modern society way of thinking of things.. I had stopped doing natural health stuff when I got into the relationship because he was such a fussy eater and well and truly stuck in the matrix, so I adjusted my lifestyle to fit his because I was in love and that’s all that mattered.
So anyway.. after about 6 months of going through hell with my health – my life finally collapsed, I was no longer able to function. I lost everything within a matter of 3 months, the job, the house, the business, the partner, and most importantly my health and sanity. There was no getting through to me.. my mind & body was gone. My depression and darkness too deep. I had hit rock bottom and then the earth opened up and swallowed me whole.. I already thought I had been through the worst.. and I kept saying.. “what else could go wrong?” and bam.. another thing.. and another thing and another thing.. it became a sick joke as I kept thinking I was at the lowest I could possibly go and that it could only go up from there.. and then the universe would hold out it’s whip and hit me again
I had always prided myself on being able to handle what other people couldnt.. but not this time. This time I saw no way out… I just saw no outs.
Being diagnosed with emphysema was not even the final kicker… but came with it’s own set of worsening. The doctor gave me medication that made me poo out blood, spit up blood, make me jittery and my voice hoarse.. I was always thirsty but no amount of water would quench my first. I can’t remember the other symptoms but I was also trying to start a new job at the time, and it was getting ridiculous.. I didn’t feel safe driving or working or dealing with all these negative energies when I was still so sick and thinking I was going to die but trying to earn money to get out of the house.. hehe
Anyway, I haven’t fixed everything yet.. I still have a few last things to conquer and figure out. I’m not ready to explain it to people who can’t think outside of the matrix… because I think I’m the only one in the world who believes my reasoning & I would rather people focus on the things I have been able to resolve rather than get people involved with the things that I haven’t figured out yet.. I pretty much believe that the reason I’m still allowing myself to keep poisoning myself is to help others.. is to not be so far ahead that I lose track of what it is like to go through this stuff. I think once I’ve been able to relate to others and help them up.. that I will then take another step up myself.. to keep my ego in check pretty much.
So yeah.. pretty much.. I was fat, ugly, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t be happy, deathly sick, couldn’t look after myself, I lost my voice for a while too, I couldn’t keep my business going because I was too sick, and the relationship was going really badly and I was very, very stressed about everything, especially because my clients were no longer paying me and I couldn’t pay the bills or the house or buy food.