You’re Not Crazy, You’re Awakening – Ramble from the Soul

IN Dark Night of the Soul

My friend thinks she’s going crazy. I resonate because of my own journey. A lot has to be re-adjusted in our minds when we look at the world and all of a sudden it’s not what we thought it was and you’ve got to do something with all that information. When it’s come into you but hasn’t come into everyone that’s around you so you can’t talk about it with anyone and if you do you sound like a mental person. This agonizing feeling that noone understands you and that you can’t be yourself, you can’t speak your truth, you can’t tell anyone what’s going on. The worst it gets is that “all I want to be is me, but all I can’t be is me”.

Until you find a way where you can do both; allow other people to be where they’re at and giving them space and understanding of where the rest of the clan is at, especially when they’re family members that you love.

Millions of people are going to go through this and we have to be the ones that deal with our shit so that we’re not scaring them when they start to see it – the front-runners to figure out what to do “if” the shit hits the fan.

I accept all my experiences and took out “other people’s experiences from my reality”. Other people’s perceptions are only there for me to draw from so that I can have more understanding and compassion for others.

We’re always coming to our own beliefs and what’s going to serve us. I think the big part is serving others.
Parents sign-up for 15 years of dedication to service to others without even realizing – part of the plan.
Whilst we’re going through our awakening – it can be very easy to lose sight of what we’re here for – and what’s important in our everyday lives / current movie scene.

Getting ourselves stable is high priority because if you’re not everything goes out of control: chaos and your whole life spirals out of control. We use mainstream tools, drawing upon life experiences, and “knowing” and what comes to us as we’re experiencing that which we’ve never experienced before.

It’s a personalized experience – each of us have our own unique shadows & trauma’s to deal with, uniquely ours.
Look for whatever you need in that moment to get that ‘other’ perspective to ease yourself into going “ok, I’m not crazy – something is really going on here – what do I need to focus on”.

All the veils come down and we’re not schooled for it – we’re not prepared for it – noone tells you this is going to happen.
Even mid-life crises’s are similar – and could be all part of it – spiritual awakenings, religious awakenings – born again christians, quantum physics, etc.. could all be the same thing. Some kind of energy or “that which is beyond our current understanding” in the infinite of what’s possible.

Our mainstream schooling, mainstream media, mainstream conversations, jobs, bills, etc does not prepare people for this – they prepare people to conform, so when you start having experiences that are outside of the norm – it’s designed to “that which doesn’t conform to what we believe mainstream “beliefs”, makes us wrong” and when we feel wrong, our whole world tumbles down. Our need to be right is an ego thing – we want to be right and yet noone’s prepared.

As everyone is going through their trauma’s, their dark-night-of-the-soul, their kundalini awakenings, their spiritual or religious awakenings, their trauma’s, their mid-life crisis’s – they’re all the same thing, but they’re all uniquely our own journey because of our unique path so far and the perspectives we’ve generated along the way to have this world-view.

We have to look at “where am I the problem in this” and we want to get back to the truth when you realize we’ve been lied to.
Even the media who are sensationalizing sex and vanity and violence and terrorism and wars – they’re trying to make it “mainstream ok” for these things to exist but it’s not ok with our souls. We’re looking at this world “all this stuff is happening that shouldn’t be happening” – this is not right, this doesn’t feel right – why are kids starving, why are wars happening, what is the US doing in that country, all these things that don’t fit right with the truth of our “soul”. But mainstream “make it all ok”.

So our desire to harmonize with our surroundings, our desire to fit in, our in-born nature to want to serve others and please others, we have this “agreed-movie-screen” and they’re “changing the movie screen” to make it “ok” for bad things in the world to be ok.
For things that go against our soul to be ok.

Sex is one of them – this divine sacred connection to life – they’re turning it into disgusting pornography – but that fear that people feel when they watch these kinds of things has been confused & twisted into “turning them on”.

There is so much about this world that is not right with our souls – I’m not saying “bible right” – I’m saying from our instincts, not something that someone “told us” or “conditioned us” to believe, but from our soul – what feels right – smooth, easy, nice, ethical, good and serving/harmonizing with people, experiencing this life – what feels right “in the soul”. As people reach a certain stage in their life where something snaps and they realize “Something’s not right here – it doesn’t need to be this way”. And you start seeking and finding others who you start to resonate with because they are saying what your soul is thinking, but then there’s all this dis-information and mis-information and so you’ve got to use your discernment in these areas to go “ok, something’s not right here – that’s aligned and “that’s just off” – something feels “off” – I feel “fear” instead of “love”. Something dodgy’s going on.

September 11 would be one of those things that happened where I’m sure the whole world was going “something doesn’t add up here – who benefits from this? Realizing that our governments could actually stoop so low to orchestrate and manipulate the population so that they could spend billions to go to war with the support & sympathy of the people?

All these things that feel ‘off’, in your knowing, in your direct-connection to what you feel is right, and as we go through our days there is just so much we have to “be ok with” – even though we’re not ok.

I’m driving a car, I know I’m polluting the environment, and I have to “be ok” with that or I’ll go crazy.
I go to work and have to conform to this materialistic world.

We go about our days and have to consider “is that my fight, or is that not my fight?” Am I in a position where I can do something about it from my current space?

And if we feel strongly about something, gather our armies – finding people that resonate and doing what you can in your space to align with your soul.

But in that process, as you unravel all the lies you’ve been told, plus you want to harmonize with that which you have already committed to – your family, your community, your environment.

At the start it’s exciting to realize there is more about this reality I didn’t know – the mysterious broadens our awareness and it’s exciting, but then you get angry with everything – “how can we let this happen”. Who didn’t want to send their food scraps over to Africa?

We can’t speak our truth because we don’t want to upset where others are at in “their level of the game”. And if their level of the game is trusting mainstream – then that’s working for them and pushing ahead will only keep you down from exploring what else is possible.
They also want you to belong to this family, and not to be separate from their space just as you want the same for them. A complicated, entangled soup trying to navigate life if you’re one of the one’s that wake up before the rest of the people in your tribe.
We’re the ones that need to figure out ways for other people to understand it “when” they go through it. As the information is accessible more and more now and when they start questioning – they can start realizing what’s “true to my soul” but there is so much disinformation out there.

The system has been manipulated and could be thousands of years ahead of us. We’ve just got this timeline that we’re in to work with. We’ve got to get grounded and secure in ourselves and look for others who we can trust this information to, and then with those people, we come up with collaborative ideas to be able to help others who come after us.

And I’m not saying I’m “ahead” in any way – I only know the level I’m on, and I don’t know “where” I am in this game. I only know my own experiences and how I’ve dealt with it and this is how I’m navigating it – I’m always looking for better ways to understand and get clarity – and have that desire, have that love for others, and want to help others when they’re going through their “stuff”. But I also want to keep that open-minded “not there yet” perspective so that I’m not stuck in ego where I say “this is how it is” or “this is the way”.. because then I’ll miss the other things that happen as you allow life to teach you, as you allow life to be your teacher, and as you allow life to show you – what you’re ready for. When I was pushing against and trying to absorb all the information at once – I exploded and my life went into turmoil because you can’t rush this process. We’re at where we’re at – everyone’s at where they’re at. And you’ve got to just be easy about it – but we don’t know that because we weren’t trained for this.

I’m sad for her but I trust that this is what she created so that she can bring herself back to who she wants to be to be able to be of service to her tribe. We don’t always choose the way that it happens. What is going to trigger us to do the work? Life is always showing us signs and we have a unique “divine timing” for us when we happen to notice them and from that point on – nothing is ever the same again.

Penny (
Penny (

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.