Old Facebook Post summarizes how fearful I used to be about exploring outside of mainstream

IN Morning Pages / Journal

Found this memory on Facebook from 3 years ago that summarizes my change in beliefs over the years, from being stuck in the mainstream system thinking and being too fearful to look outside of the mainstream thinking to dying, having the Near-Death Experience and giving myself permission to explore the truth and stop giving into social-pressure.

January 15, 2019 You know that Then-Now thing that people are doing with their profile pics? I am more surprised by the things I posted ten years ago compared to now. As Facebook memories shows me who was Then vs Now. Completely different person.

2008-2013 all my posts were about business, marketing, emerging technology & success-quotes lol.

Then I had my NDE, & it’s been a combination of everything the opposite of that lol.. like, awakening to the control-system, mass-media, social & cultural conditioning, toxins, natural healing, mental health, corruption on a global scale, and then diving down rabbit holes of everything & anything else I was blind to before.

(Or too fearful to look at because prior to death I was scared what other people thought about me & my ‘reputation in the world’ was more important than discovering who I really am behind the mask).

But being that ill kind of gave me permission to let-go of that and start trying to figure it all out without the social pressure – because it didn’t matter anymore, I was convinced I was going to die and decided that I would at least live out the last of my days without the mask. That thought process allowed me to go beyond the limitations of where I was before. It gave me permission to let go of barriers that were deep in place.

Delved into conspiracy theories, psychology, & spirituality, questioning “who we are, why are we here, what is this life – what is our purpose”.. etc.. and at the same time, trying to make sense of reality, figuring out discernment – truth & lies, ego & humility, getting caught-up with other people’s truths even when I was questioning everything, pointing the fingers outwards at the “rest of the world” and then turning it back towards myself.

Facing every single fear that I’ve ever had head-on until negativity burnt itself out. It’s been the ride of my life.

Different jobs, different locations, different ages, different social-circles, different travels, different relationships/partners, different philosophical beliefs, all were different lives. Who I was “at that job” or “that location” or with “those friends”, or with “that mindset” etc.

Every year a new personality seems to emerge to explore a different aspect of life. Ever shocked at both what I wrote 10 years ago which is like looking at a complete stranger’s profile or even 5 years ago when I was angry at the system, and then 2 years ago? when I was questioning my “new” beliefs and facing the biggest trauma when I trusted nothing and nobody – especially not myself, letting every belief go, and then 1 year ago.. new location, new social circle, new job, new home, new neighbours, etc.

I’ll probably be shocked at this post in a few years lol. (or in a few minutes..)

I’m amazed at how many lives one can live in just one lifetime with an open-mind that is constantly expanding and seeking multiple / diverse ways of looking at life.

Now I see life through the eyes of mainstream (the idea that was embedded in us from our own cultural programming), through the influence of anything that I’ve watched or read or discussions I’ve had, or beliefs I’ve “tried on”.. and everywhere that I’ve allowed myself to delve since, so I kinda got a multi-dimensional view of reality.. seeing it from everyone’s point of view but with additional data to draw from & ever-more data to come, or ways of looking at things.

Just wanted to share where I’m at for ‘future me’ going through memories to be amused at.. hopefully future me has it all figured out by then, although I doubt that, I think we’re always expanding outwards from wherever we’re at…discarding old ideas and exploring new ones.

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper, ever trying to 'figure it out'. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, & random points of interests.