Be a student of the world – embrace all shades of being human

IN Dark Night of the Soul

I love connecting with others, I love sharing energies, I love sharing ideas and insights and comparing notes about the experiences in our lives…and then ‘afterwards”… I really, really love being alone .. connecting with self. My alone time is my fave part of every day.

It’s going to work out. You survived this far! Everything in your life has value and every single thing is an important milestone in how we grow and evolve.

For me (at least now.. this wasn’t always the case lol, I did experience being a zombie and lost hope for life.. and experienced the endless suffering that I didn’t know how to get past… the universe kicked my ass to oblivion, and after all was lost.. I experienced a ‘death’ of the old.. let-go of everything I thought I was, that I was telling the world I was.. and a little spark ignited within and pressed the ‘reset’ button… not only did I ‘survive’, but spiritually I’m thriving.

Life is happier, more ‘full of love’, and more peaceful (and healthier) than it’s ever been and ever would be if I had kept trying to force a certain existence to materialize… if I had kept on trying to see reality through the eyes of the masses.. chasing money, possessions, or trying to make certain relationships with other people mould to what I wanted.. or trying to ‘impress’ people with achievements and successes – all of that is kinda ‘vomit’ to me now LOL)

Then comes the ‘Resisting’.. resisting the truth you find within when all is lost, not wanting to believe that which you have never experienced before – mostly because we’re a bunch of clones who have to be a certain way to not seem ‘crazy’ to those walking around wearing a mask and trying to ‘be the same as everyone else’ .. conform.. fake who they are.. (cos that’s what they thought they had to do to ‘fit in’ cos that’s all they’ve known up until the ‘death of the old’).

I love being a student of the world now.. a student learning from all who come into my experience, and sharing that which feels true for me in-the-moment too.

When you finally say screw-it! And start living the way you want to live, start speaking your deepest truths, start speaking out against conformity and experiencing life in a way where.. you are born into this world to experience this life.. to experience all of these human emotions, to push the boundaries and find out what our potential is. To heed our heart’s desires. To co-exist with others in a way where every-little-thing, every-little-moment is part of the experience.. everyone and everything that happens is here to help you grow, and you are here to help them grow.. we may not like all these experiences, but we are here (I feel) to embrace all of it.

I got to experience deep, passionate soul-mate like “fire” love..(how awesome is that, many may go lifetimes without experiencing that!) and with it, came unwanted experiences of betrayal and grief and lies and excruciating agony, illness and despair. All of these experiences are part of the great journey. I chose this. I chose to live here, I chose to be part of this great human experience – and with it, experience “all parts” – “all shades” of being human, the good, the bad, and the divine.

Sure, it’s nice when everything is peaches and cream – and I really enjoy that part of life the most lol (and the shit-times makes me want to embrace & be grateful & lean-towards the good-times even more).

But I also love growth.. I love when a new emotion comes up within me or a new situation pushes my own boundaries and I get to experience pain and move through that and show me what it’s like to experience all of this…I learn something new about myself.. I don’t know how to describe it. except I don’t want to live half-assed fake, holding-back, being ‘less-than’ who I am. If I love, I want to love in “full”.. give everything – risk it all so that I can experience the ‘fullness’ of the experience. When I meet energies I resonate with – I want to tell them or show them that I care, that they matter, that them being part of my experience is helping my own experience – without holding back because of “social pressure”.

I love all of this.

And I haven’t got it “all figured out yet”.. there are some parts of my life that I have no clue how to resolve, and I love that too. Life is full of things that help you in so many ways.. it’s not “stagnant” that’s for sure lol.. it’s ever unfolding, growing, evolving.. it’s ever “MORE”.

Best to see any past relationship or life-lesson with gratitude for the experience & growth than to hold-onto pain, bitterness and anger – that doesn’t affect them at all (noone ‘wins’).. it only gnaws away at you and keeps you vibrating at a frequency that keeps everyone away and “ick” in your presence.. including yourself.

I have great hope for all who are going through depression.. I can talk about it for hours about how I believe they are the greatest hope for changing that which we all want to change in the world / our reality… Depression to me = they are waking up. Starting to peel away the mask, starting to peek through the ‘fakeness’ and control.. starting to realize they have been bred into a prison.. and maybe they aren’t yet aware of why they feel so much pain in the world, but some of them get that ‘reset’. I watch and wait.. waiting for the light to turn on.. I see many people going through it, and I wait – because there is much to deal with whilst they move through it and there’s no button I can click for them because they are on their own journey, creating their own experience, living their own reality (and maybe right now, they want or need to experience more of what they are experiencing because perhaps that very experience is key to helping them grow & evolve).

Some give up, some get sick, and some get ‘the light’ – whatever it is.. they “let go” of the mask and start living true to what their heart/higher consciousness/instincts are urging them to do, start living their truth, start ‘becoming who they are’, who they are meant to be.

Ooops, could keep writing about this until the sun comes up LOL   /end long-winded ramble

Penny (
Penny (

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.