[Big Rant] Fake Society. Our beliefs aren’t even OURS. Breakfree.

IN Taboo / Divergent

Become who you are – Stop wearing a mask & living a lie – Speak your Truth 
There is nothing wrong with where we are at. Life is a journey of different perspectives & experiences. Our biggest fear is what other people think of us – and that was brainwashed into us – we are conditioned since birth to conform. To hold our tongue. It’s a hard habit to break because it’s automatic. Once you realize that your beliefs are not even your own – you are free to Question Everything and have absolute Empathy and understanding about where other people are – you realize that nothing is real, everything is fake – a mask. Time to start thinking for ourselves & allowing others to explore their truths / go through the process of un-brainwashing – even though none of us know what is real from our tiny perspective.

This video goes for an hour – I cut out as much as I could and it still ended up being long! Ugh… but editing is such a tedious process.. once I speak something, and let it out, I have no interest in hearing it again.. it’s out.. it’s no longer in me. And I’m too bored now to try to make it any shorter because I’m kinda “done” with it now. :) Sorry this video is so long, I don’t expect any people to listen to my dribble.. should’ve made it into a podcast instead of a video – but I needed to get it out, and now that it’s out.. I can move onto other things. Just allowing youtube to be my outlet for my thoughts… to learn & grow and make room for more truths to come to me.

Original (Longer) Version

While I’ve been going through this journey to a better life.. one of the main healings – maybe close to the most important one – was to find out who I am before I die. To explore those things we keep hidden because society isn’t talking about it. Some of us want to question everything we’ve been told and find out for ourselves what we believe the truth is.

When I was close to death… I was more upset that I was going to my grave without anyone really knowing who I am. And That I also didn’t know who I was because I was living a lie. I was masquerading and didn’t even know it… I was living the way society told me to live, I was trying to be “Normal”… and these thoughts that I had inside – well, I knew it wasn’t normal because it wasn’t what I was told – it wasn’t what I was hearing or witnessing from other people. So the way that I thought we should live was suppressed and I was saying the things that you wanted me to say and keeping these deep thoughts of “something is just not right with this reality” to myself.

And I really feel like I’ve been given another chance at life and I don’t know how long I have – I don’t know that anyone knows how long they have. But I really feel strongly about not wasting whatever I have trying to impress the masses. I lived that life, I had my fame.. and it was fake and unfulfilling. And monetary success and being well-known is so tiny on the scale at the end of your life.. it’s not even a blip. Although we are conditioned to believe that becoming rich is true success.

That having “stuff” – valuable possessions somehow counts for anything after we are dead – we can’t take any of it with us. I was a little bit upset that I had nothing to leave behind for my family, that I couldn’t improve their lives in someway with my passing. But a big distressing part was that if anyone turned up at my funeral – and noone really knew who I was so I wasn’t even sure that anyone would turn up – but a big part was that anyone that did turn up – didnt even know who I was.. they didn’t even know the real me.. they knew the society-view. I was a hard-worker. I was very busy. That’s the quote that would go on my tombstone:

Here lies Penny – she was very busy.

And I think other people are also not living their truth, not speaking their truth… I think all of us are being fake, that we don’t even know who we are. We LIVE the way that we’re conditioned to live – that is what culture is – it’s just mass-conditioning of groups. To be a certain way, to speak a certain way, to think the same. We’re all sheep, drones, zombies. Afraid to think for ourselves, afraid to be seen as different or weird. We’re all people-pleasers. And only those who are questioning it are starting to realize that speaking our truth is crucial to undoing that. That life is more amazing and powerful than what we have been told. So I’m not going to waste it – I’m not going to waste the rest of my life, however long I have… wearing a goddamn mask on my face and keeping all my thoughts like hidden deep inside.


I have been given another chance to explore who I really am, to become who I am – whoever that is. I don’t even know… I’m starting to know.

I feel like my entire life I’ve been putting up a shell.. like I decided who I was … I defined myself to be a certain way – and I lived that life, I acted out the parts. It wasn’t real because I was never questioning why I did what I did, why I believed what I did. And I never questioned what was going on my gut which was screaming out that this is not what life is about.

So this opportunity that I feel like I’ve been given another chance to do… the big part of it.. is to speak my truth – freely, without being concerned about being misunderstood or not “fitting into what anyone expects me to be”. And part of speaking my truth, I am aware that there are going to be many times when I will be tested. It happens like.. daily. I still have to bite my tongue at work and in most social situations. I’ve even had to bite my tongue when interacting with you. It’s a constant struggle to try and speak your truth, we are so conditioned and we so want people to like us, and we so want to be seen as normal, that fear is very real because we have had it ingrained in us throughout our lives. Bad things happen – uncomfortable things happen to us when we dare to speak outside of the norm.

I do believe that whilst I am discovering who I am, that my beliefs will change and evolve as I speak my truth as it is today and discover that whilst going through these changes – that we don’t need to agree on anything at all.. I don’t need anyone to validate my experience. You don’t need anyone to validate yours. It is what it is… right now.. in this moment. And as I speak my truth – the truth is revealed – more truth is unravelled.. it’s like.. just verbalizing things – getting it out there – opens up the channels for unveiling more.

We are the sum of a lifetime of conditioned beliefs! We got told who we are, before we even had a choice about it – before we were even conscious to question why or think for ourselves. We believed the people we grew up with and learned our first beliefs from. The first 7 years we weren’t even conscious to questioning our realities – we were just downloading whatever information was being offered to us, a lot of the beliefs we carry around with us right now – was programmed into us before we even had the ability to question it. We had questions and they were answered by educational institutions and parents and extended families and society and by watching and observing our community. And watching the tv. A lot of our beliefs aren’t even our own beliefs. We can’t even trust our own beliefs.

change yourself

I am going to speak my truth as it is today… because that is how I am freeing my mind. That is the most healing thing I can do for myself.

And I don’t want anyone cushioning the blow for me either. I don’t need people to agree with me. I just need an outlet for my thoughts. YouTube – these videos.. this is the next stage for me to explore my beliefs. I’ve already written a lot of things on my blog and in journals and in unpublished books… I’ve explored things that way.. but YouTube is my next step for me, a way to catch my automatic programming, a way to discover & explore my belief system, and a way for me to get more truth to be revealed to me. And as I watch others speaking their truth.. and then questioning whether they did the right thing.. thinking for themselves and then wanting to automatically go back to conforming to the masses.. I understand that fear.. I know that fear.. I also live that fear. We we want to be liked, we want to be understood, we want to be able to persuade people to help themselves and we fear that we won’t be able to do it if they “switch off” because our current beliefs are in direct conflict with their current beliefs.

I am excited and so happy to hear people speaking their truths as it is for them right now. When I see people speaking what they are holding back, when they are giving us a glimpse to what they are keeping hidden deep inside. It shows that they are starting to question the norm… starting to question the reality and the programming they have been given. So I am perfectly OK and really wanting people to speak their truth as it is now for them… speak what you are holding back… speak those hidden thoughts.. find out who you really are… grow and evolve and let people really know who you are before you die too. It’s called critical thinking.. and it’s what I believe will save the world. People need to start thinking for themselves, instead of just blindly following the masses. This is the biggest problem with the world… is that we just conform.. we’re sheep, and that makes us powerless to change anything. We need to get our power back.

We are suppressed, we are a suppressed society and we’ve been like this since birth. We’ve been controlled and conditioned by everything around us. CONFORMITY is people acting like everyone else – without knowing why. We are all unique individuals, we are all looking at and experiencing the same thing, but with different lenses.. we shouldn’t fight about who is right.. because there is no right, only different perspectives. I believe that our suppression of our thoughts is how we as a society is being controlled… I think it is our greatest fear for some reason. And I don’t want to go back to that dark place where I once was.


And that place was dark – because I was living a bullshit fake life. Not living true to my soul. What a waste of a life that was.. just playing out a broken record – brainwashed… just living unconsciously and doing what everyone else was doing just because everyone else is doing it.

So yes… I’m trying to speak my truth but … Sometimes I’m tested and I see something and my beliefs are so strong and so passionate about it, but I’m also aware that I’m conditioned and I’m brainwashed too by all of the experiences I’ve ever had, just as much as you and the next person are.

We are a result of everything we have experienced, and all those beliefs we have taken on, even in a second – when we’ve had an innocent conversation with random people throughout our lives, and because we want to get along with them & not be seen as weird.. so in every single conversation we have, we try and find things that resonate with us, that are the same, we seek similarities, we try and be likeable and we try and find common ground.. and we’re always trained to agree with each other.. we have confused being “NICE” with “conforming to the masses”.. we are told that its not nice to disagree with people so we’re constantly trying to agree with each other and not think differently… and in a second, they can say something – maybe something they don’t even believe themselves but it sounds good, it sounds reasonable – and we find ourselves agreeing or saying “yeah” and take on that belief – give logic to it – make it part of ourselves… and don’t give it another thought.. we’re not in a state of questioning it… but our subconscious mind takes it on as this new reality for us, and we might not think anything much about it after that unless we have another conversation that changes that belief, so we take on this innocent belief which shapes the next conversation we have and next experience we have throughout our lives.

So before we even realized that we were taking on a belief, it became our truth and unless these thoughts and beliefs are given the light of day to be questioned… we might not even realize that we didn’t even choose this belief, we might of taken on one of our parents beliefs or teachers or some guy on the tv…

And then, because that belief has been validated by that person, and the next.. that is part of our conditioning… we don’t get another chance to question it because we know that the words we are about to speak have already been accepted by the norm.. we have this security in that we know that what we are about to say – is not going to be disagreeable… so we have these automatic conversations with people. We are now on auto-pilot thinking we agree with a particular point, it goes into our sub-conscious… and we run that program forever.. until it is ever questioned again or interrupted by something that is in direct conflict with that belief where we wake up- and that only happens if we are open to questioning it… and so now, not only are we just playing the same old record, if we do have any thoughts that are in direct conflict with that belief – we now hold back from speaking it because we were conditioned to be agreeable, to fit in, to not be weird… and that old record is already accepted by our peers… so we feel safe to speak it. I think that’s why most of the conversations we have in this world are fake – they aren’t even real conversations said with real thoughts and beliefs.. they are a repetitive programming from all the little “yes’s” we’ve said over our lifetime.


And once we hold a belief long enough, we never question it.. because it becomes part of what we have “defined” ourselves to be.. it’s part of what the world expects us to be.. we can’t explore it any-more.. except when we have a life-changing event that disrupts the pattern.

Then we want to explore new truths… but it’s difficult to do even when we realize we’ve been brainwashed.. because we have so many automatic thoughts – we’re not even sure we can trust this new truth that we are exploring because now we’re actually aware that we’re programmed..so how do we explore our inner truths?.. we need to verbalize it, write about it, get it out to the light of day.. but who do we do that with? Not our peers.. not our family.. not all the people that have helped shape our beliefs… because we know they are on auto-pilot and that they expect us to be a certain way… and they also want to protect you – they don’t want you to be seen as weird or different and it reflects back on them.. it’s really crazy… so we need to branch out… but we have this fear.. this ingrained fear.

We think that other people – that noone in the world – can handle our real truth… or our new truth.. especially when we don’t even know what our truth is … and we can’t find out what it is without getting it out.. but we can’t get it out because of this fear.. this conformity.

And We are afraid of hurting feelings, afraid to be honest, afraid to be wrong, afraid to be questioned, afraid of being rejected, afraid of that person not liking us anymore because we think their ego can’t take it or that they will be so uncomfortable with a belief that you know is in direct conflict with their automatic programming.


What I’ve found so far by blogging & talking about different ideas .. is that many people can take it.. at least.. you can find those out there who are open enough to allow you to explore new ideas… those that resonate will come, those that won’t – will just leave you be. And YouTube might be different, this is my next phase.. my next part of testing my own beliefs.. verbalizing it out to a different area of the world where I don’t know in advance what your automatic conditioned beliefs are – where I can’t adjust what I say to make it easier for you to resonate… but it’s something I must do.. I must bring light to these things that are inside me, that may not even be true but need to be spoken, need to be investigated, need to be explored .. because it’s part of questioning my own belief system, part of disrupting this automatic programming. Something I have to do before I die.

Expressing myself on YouTube right now is to allow myself to let go of any niggling insecurities I have.. it’s already working for me.. it’s already been a transformational experience for me.. I’ve let go of a lot of prejudices about myself.. I can record a video without make-up or wearing nice clothes.. I have got rid of being worried about my looks, my faults, and about the things I say.. my umm’s and obvious awkwardness.. it’s already becoming a growth outlet for me.

And I don’t know if I will continue it for a long time or not or if I’m just here to use this as a growth tool for a little while.. but right now… I’m getting a yes for this experience.. to expose myself and my inner thoughts out there to the universe.. and because I’m speaking from my heart.. it’s a huge release for me when I ramble out the things that I’m thinking and feeling.. once it’s out .. I just don’t need to think about it much anymore.. it’s not words and feelings unexpressed.. it’s a release because once it’s out.. it makes room for more to come in.. it’s hard to describe.. but once you say the things you don’t feel you are able to say.. they are no longer a burden to you.. they get released and new stuff enters.. it’s like.. ok, it’s said now.. and it disappears.. and makes room for new ideals to come in.

speak your truth and the truth will be revealed

I have also come to believe that it’s more honouring of people.. to believe they “can” take your different beliefs, not treating them like some poor thing that isn’t ready to hear it, but honouring them with your truth as it is right now, in order for you to grow and for them to question their own beliefs and it’s the only way I can think of to find the truth.

When I approach a conflict in my belief system… That’s when I want to be my most 100% honest and that’s when I’m tormented by my own beliefs – knowing that I am just as brainwashed as the next person, questioning why my feelings are so strong and whether I need to speak my truth in this time or be a “nice girl” and hold my tongue.

A big part of me knows that I am honouring my friends more by being honest, by not sugar-coating anything, by realizing they are intelligent enough and grown-up enough to not need me to be sweet about it… that I would want them – you – anyone – to always be yourself – to give you freedom to speak your truth and let me know your thoughts and feelings and perspectives, and things that are hidden deep inside of you – allow you to explore the truth too… and that hopefully you would want the same from me. That if we are all more transparent about our feelings … we’re more open to explore different ideas… and speaking these things.. that’s when we learn the most because something might come out of our mouths that we may reflect on later and realize – hang on – that’s not even my belief – that was my teacher or a parent’s words or a friends words or a quote from a movie – that’s not my belief – not a belief that serves me – and that’s not my truth – that’s not right.. it’s media or generation brainwashing & it doesn’t serve me at all to believe that – in fact that’s why I have this problem or that problem … .. but you don’t learn any of this until AFTER you’ve expressed it and had a chance to reflect back on it later. If you hold it all in, and keep yourself suppressed, these things that are wanting to come out – some of it truth – some of it automatic programming to be questioned – they never see the light of day – so you never question them .. and it stays part of your old record playing over and over again. Running your life. Helping you make the same mistakes over and over again.

Love Mantra

I’m coming from a loving place right now, I speak from a loving heart, from a love for humanity and a love for life and this miracle of an experience that we have been given.. and even though I know we are an ant.. that we cannot possibly see the whole truth from our perspectives.. we’re like a foetus in mummies tummy – we can’t see the whole picture from our perspectives – we think what we see is all there is – but we only see a tiny speck of the magnitude of whatever the truth really is…


Even though I know that.. I just want to live as true to myself as I can. I don’t want to play this fake game anymore. I want to break the patterns of my automatic conditioned broken record.

I don’t want to wear a mask… that at least I will live as true as I can possibly be from this tiny perspective, as in, as much as I can from this viewpoint that I have. To not keep my thoughts hidden because it doesn’t fit into what we have been told to believe.

And as I have been expressing some of these truths on my website, in “real life” and on Facebook, I have grown a lot but also found out how conditioned other people are.. they don’t want people like me questioning our reality.. or at least, the concept is so new to them, that they are not ready to face it yet, and maybe that’s their journey, but I think this is mine. And actually it’s helpful to have people who help you question your beliefs, that’s one of the greatest things about the internet, so many people have found a way to express things that are not talked about in our daily lives. But there is also people that hold you back from being able to explore anything – they shut you down, and automatically go into auto-pilot mode to make you fearful of sharing anything.

In this journey I’ve realized that I needed to remove a lot of negative, toxic, poisonous people from my life. Because you are a sum of the people you hang around with and they were keeping me suppressed, their automatic conditioned beliefs of hate and conformity were messing with my ability to be able to explore my own belief systems. And I see the irony or the conflict with that.

Even when I was removing them from my life, I could see it. How can I want people to speak their truth, if I am judging them and removing them from my life. How can I say that I let people be who they are, when I don’t want to see their black, dark, fearful remarks anymore. I removed thousands of people from my Facebook list who were spreading hate, and fear, and trying to rise up against people who I want to help. But also to people who were gathering up others to harm others.


That’s not the world or reality as I see it – I have no room in my life for racism, or for people who lash out to hurt the homeless or unemployed, or people who are going into auto-pilot mode of trying to suppress those who are exploring their truths or who are never questioning their own truths… or any kind of fight “against” things.. part of the beliefs that I am exploring, .. is that I am moving towards the feeling that to resolve the issues this world faces, that we need to start being the change – to stop being part of the problem. We need to question our beliefs. I just don’t see any resolution in fighting “against” something – I see more war or anger or more distress, more pain, more conflict, more hate, more stress – a worse reality for all when we are fighting “against” something. I’m trying to discover new ways of moving towards … moving towards what we want, rather than fight-against what we don’t want.. and I think that starts with being the change, or leaning towards the type of life we want. But it definitely starts with freeing our minds.. critical thinking.. not just agreeing with what everyone else is saying and doing just because that’s what everyone else is doing.


Anyway, though I want to be less judgemental towards those who I think are part of the problem .. less judgemental towards those who I believe are unconsciously causing the very things they are fighting against.. I was finding myself torn up over some of the things I was reading over and over again in my newsfeed on Facebook.. I was wasting a lot of time and energy – sometimes many hours when I’ve noticed a friend post something that is in direct conflict with my own beliefs.. and I would type up something and it would take me like 2 hours to try and write it in just the right way so that they would understand a different, less harmful, perspective.. trying to be mindful of their feelings and their ingrained beliefs and trying not to judge where they are it, so that they could understand it, and comprehend it, and maybe stretch their beliefs a bit.. but then I wouldn’t even click post because I’m like.. “They’re not gonna get it” I’m wasting my time… they can’t possibly see all the things that has helped shaped my beliefs to where it is now because they have not been exploring the same things that I have.. they are not on the same journey, they are not having the same experience.


I don’t watch TV so I don’t have the same fears as the masses. I don’t walk around thinking this world is a fearful dark scary place full of the boogey-men. I only get access to this fear through other people who believe what the tv tells them.. and get depressed and frightened about it and then send that fear energy through their daily lives. Mostly from people at work, some family members, and a big amount from my Facebook newsfeed. And I can do what I can about protecting myself from this energy at work, and my family & friends… but my newsfeed – that was really much easier to sort of fix. I just removed them and no longer is my newsfeed filled with hate and fear and despair. I can Allow them to be who they are, without letting them infect me with their poisonous dark view of the world. A view that I once had, but it was killing me and almost did. I have free’d myself from that shit. Or at least that’s the journey I’m currently on. And part of that journey is just not fighting against… and what I was finding … was there was a direct conflict with where I want to be and where others in my life are currently at, and I don’t want to fix anybody, I don’t want to make everyone into mini-clones of me – I don’t even know if my ideas are right. But I don’t want to be wasting my time and energy typing up my new life philosophies when I’m not even 100% sure that I’m on the right track myself. I’m just having this experience. And I’m allowing them have their experience… by removing them from my life. Because I need to liberate myself from people who shut me down whenever I explore a new idea. I need friends who will allow me to get these thoughts out and work out whether they are a conditioned belief that is not serving me, or a truth that could really make a difference in the world. And as I remove those who are not open to new ideas, I am attracting those who are resonating with me.


It’s liberating speaking your truth.. it is so freeing to listen to your gut and get it out there.. it helps me grow and it helps me evolve and it helps me discover who I am…and the opposite is suffocation.

Living in fear.

Being suppressed and dying inside because you feel held back… that noone sees the world the same way.. that noone understands you.. that there is no hope for humanity..

I’m going to say the wrong things here.. because there are things that I’m still discovering, still exploring – I’m still trying to work out what my automatic programming and automatic beliefs are. So there are going to be times when I say things that conflict with your current beliefs as well as things that conflict with my own beliefs.. and you are going to say things that are in direct conflict with my beliefs and even your own beliefs… it’s gonna happen in this journey guaranteed. That’s part of the never ending truth-seeking free-your-mind critical-thinking journey. But it’s the only way to move forward. To not be sheeple, to not be “Me too’s”.. to not be all torn-up inside whenever someone says something that conflicts with our own conditioning.. we gotta let it :) We grow from it, it helps us think about what we think. We all need to speak what we are thinking rather than just saying what we think people want to hear.


If we find people that have different beliefs than what we resonate with – that’s normal, that’s perfect.. that’s exactly why we’re here.. we’re here – not to be “Me Too’s”.. we’re here to speak our truth. To have these experiences.. these real experiences, not just be an actor in a movie.. we need to be as real as we can be.

We need to free our minds. I’m freeing my mind and this is part of my journey to a better life. To Becoming who I am, speaking my truth, and finding what beliefs serve me and what beliefs hold me back, and using this platform to find those who resonate with me on this journey.


I don’t want to be afraid to be honest, I don’t want to be afraid that people won’t like me. That should not be something I fear… after everything that I’ve been through.. being myself is not something that I should not be afraid of.

The journey is for me to have an authentic experience .. to live with my own integrity… not trying to find the right words to say to please you or anyone. And as I am coming from a place of love, I don’t believe my truth – at least at this time – should have any cause for someone else to feel bad about what I say… they might not have the same beliefs and that might cause discomfort, but nothing that comes out of me should actually hurt anyone… but I still find myself holding back because of this lifelong conditioning of trying to please others, of wanting to be accepted, of wanting people to understand… and so it is very much a journey for me to be brave enough to speak my truth… and I thank you and anyone who is allowing me to do that.

see with your heart


For the last couple of years I’ve been able to WRITE my truth only in a few safe places – my private Facebook groups, private forums, a couple of friends that I rarely see, and my website… but my public profile on Facebook is just to give people a little bit of a glimpse but I’m not fully able to be myself 100% there yet… because each glimpse that I send out – gives me a bit of feedback to where my friends are and what they are ready to hear.. because I feel sometimes that the world isn’t ready. Like I put a few things up, a little tidbit here and there – and I’ll get the “tin foil hat” comments coming back… and I understand where they are coming from because I have lived through the same eyes as them my whole life – these thoughts that I am exploring are just as new to me but I’ve had more time to research and experiment with it, like I’ve said in a past video – I don’t expect people to just get it having not been through the same experiences I have.. but I do have this incessant need to try and figure out a way to cut the learning curve so that others can get it faster. I’m not the same person that I used to be, I don’t have the same beliefs. And a lot of the things I believe now – I would’ve considered absolutely friggin’ CRAZY – absolutely NUTS – Bonkers – a couple of years ago.. but now.. I dunno.. once I took some of these things on as a belief I guess.. I can’t see anything else.. and I guess that’s how people are with religions and things like that – once they’ve decided that a certain belief will serve them, will help better their lives, or once they have experienced a life-changing moment where this new knowledge really helps transform their view of the world and the experiences they are having – right or wrong – once they have decided that that is their truth – you can’t switch it off.. it’s like everything else we have taken on.


And now because of these new beliefs that I have.. I keep seeing evidence of it everywhere, in everything. And I don’t know if it’s THE truth.. but it’s MY truth, it’s one that serves me well and I keep finding more and more evidence that makes my truth more enlightening to me. But it’s more the practical day-to-day experiments that make me excited.. that help me realize that these new beliefs very much serve me and can help humanity too.

So my truth as it is now, is kind of like the same as a religion, because it has become my reality, the glasses that I view the world in. I can’t undo that, and it’s more like, and maybe it’s the same for people who follow certain religions.. I don’t WANT to undo what I’ve learnt, because it has served me so well. So even though I know that a lot of the stuff that I believe now is crazy compared to who I used to be and compared to what everyone around me thinks, I have no choice but to share what is working for me.. this is my reality and I can and will attempt to try and explain it because I believe it will help others as well, and as I share and come up against conflicts in beliefs with myself and others.. that’s how I also grow and learn. If I have to hold it back then I will feel like I’m in a prison.


So I just thought I’d share that today… probably because it comes up more & more since I started this channel – which is exactly why I created it.. to learn and grow.. I should and will start to see it as a good thing about it constantly coming up, because that’s when I know I’m really moving forward.. because it makes me think about the importance of speaking my truth more and more, and the importance of allowing others to speak theirs, and I think I’ve said everything I want to say… I do struggle at times when I want to speak my truth, thinking that other people aren’t ready and that I don’t even know that I’m right .. and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but at the same time, I feel like I’m honouring them more by speaking what I’m thinking and not thinking that “they can’t take it” or “they’re not ready” or “they will think I’m weird”.. who am I to judge where they are at and what they are ready to hear – but I do it – I’m doing it right now on this video.. I know some people won’t be able to listen to what I have to say in future.. they might look at me like I’m a freak for a while but I’m sure their lives won’t be affected in a negative way from me speaking my truth.. and it’s never really about them at all is it.. it’s about yourself and how YOU think people react to you.

But if all of us were just being way more transparent.. without worrying about what other people will say – I dunno, I think the truth sets us free. I believe that – I think it’s the only way that we need to be. If we can do it.. the only way. It’s just that we’ve been conditioned so long – our entire lives, to act the way that society wants us to be – even when we’re children – parents, y’know.. saying.. “Don’t speak that way”…elder people when we are young – controlling us – criticizing us – making us feel YOU have to be a certain way to behave in this society – and so we’re suppressed from the get-go, and even THEY were giving us pre-programmed responses – their version of beliefs from their own conditioning from their parents and society and so on.. someone has to start questioning this generational brainwashing & social conditioning and control.

Be Your True Self Experience Freedom

I just want a different reality I think, I want to explore what it would be like to speak my truth .. to explore new ideas and insights, to liberate myself from being suppressed… to free myself from suffocation… to live my authentic self and become who I am…. and I want to live in a reality where you know that the person you are talking to is being authentic and transparent… and that you can be authentic with them. We don’t let ourselves be ourselves because we are afraid that society won’t agree with it, or that we will be ridiculed, and I would much prefer to listen to someone who is being honest – even if they don’t understand what they are saying – I would rather listen to somebody who was exploring their truth and speaking from within… and give them the option to change their mind tomorrow if they realize that their truth has changed.. they can “correct themselves” as they realize that their truth isn’t serving their life.. or that they realize that what they said was their parents or the media or their teacher coming out of their mouth – not even a belief they chose to have, not them. So I think the only way to find out whether something that’s coming out of your own mouth is serving you, is true for you, or is holding you back – is to speak it – without worrying about consequences & the sheeple .. and just, find out who we really are… be free.

I have to be honest about where I am at right now.. without waiting to be something I’m not. I don’t want to live a lie – I don’t want to pretend to be anything other than who I am.

There is nothing wrong with where we are at.. this life is a journey, we are all experiencing different pieces of the puzzle, different perspectives of the same thing, having different experiences.

There is no perfect time to speak your truth – there is only the journey. Once you start speaking and exploring your truths, more truths show up.. the journey unfolds, more truth is revealed.

I’ve lived that life where you define yourself – where you market a version of yourself to the world. Where you have made up some kind of version of yourself that you think you have to stay true to.

There is no “I made it moment”, that is a charade, life is a journey, we have to be real, be true to ourselves. I have been given another chance at life and I don’t want to be a knowing slave to conditioning…. to have a real moment, I have to not worry about whether I’m wrong or right or worry about what others think.. If I have fears about what other people think – I will hold back – I won’t be living authentically.

So what was the purpose of this video? To start getting you to question your beliefs, to think for yourself, to start questioning things.. before I hit you with the big crazy powerful life-changing stuff later :)

So can you take my truth I wonder.. well, we shall see. I’m getting closer each day to being able to explain it to the world.. so hopefully it will come out soon .. but I’d love to see more people get out what is crying out inside them.. if that’s something they are ready to explore ..

Sorry this went so long.. at least now it’s all out of me.. seeing the light of day.. one of my truths has been spoken.

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.