Journey

Got a lesson on this today.

With those 2 recent posts that I published earlier, and some messages I sent, I realized that I was not ‘practicing what I preach’. 

That I was not in alignment to my truth, and to my life philosophies:

1.) Accept whatever is happening as if it is helping you in some way.
(Accept as in “letting go of any negative thoughts about it”)

2.) Adjusting your beliefs and letting go of old ones “on-the-fly” to deal with the situation at-hand.

3.) And loving everyone for who they are.
Living in integrity & love. Being ‘what love would do’.

• I didn’t accept what was happening as helping me. (I felt like it was going to hurt me)
• I didn’t adjust my beliefs to deal with the situation at-hand. (I dove into my crazy)
• And I most certainly didn’t do what love would do. I didn’t love everyone for who they are, right now. (I brought in my ‘pity’)

I didn’t trust/accept their deep-soul wisdom & courage to be able to deal with it in their own time, in their own way. I actually thought that I was put into their path to help them. I need to stop making assumptions about the intended or expected outcome and just love everyone, raise vibes, learn my own lessons, and “see what happens”. Or wait until I’m more highly attuned at knowing “when” my words are going to be helpful, or hurtful. :/

I slipped, I felt like I was “on point” and was in high vibes today, felt so good. Was totally confident in my purpose and that I was on the right-track and that I was here to help. But I think I should’ve read my own words a little closer, because even when I was writing it, I had my doubts and tried to warn myself that this wasn’t going to go down too well. I think my ego got a little bit too big for it’s boots! 

I asserted fear by bringing Negative Entities into my reality. Well not so much by becoming aware of them, but by actually seeing them in someone else, and acting on it in the best way I thought how (being myself & bringing in my crazy “I can help you” stuff, when that is an assumption that they actually need help, instead of trusting their own soul’s wisdom that they are exactly where they need to be).

And, now I feel that didn’t go so well because I forgot the best part of being me – that I don’t need to dwell on that side of things ever, that I just raise my vibes, accept and love people for who they are, (cos I actually do – at least for this one and the ones in my life right now) lol. After the conversation was over, I really saw how I really didn’t need to go down the path that I did. I didn’t need to activate my crazy in the non-crazy world. 

So why did I slip? Maybe the 3 nights no sleeping and the crazy visions. Maybe the hours upon hours of scouring the negative entity sites & listening to Dolores Cannon all day. Maybe because I felt a little fear come up in me to be worked on, and about being completely out of my depth. And maybe because I was a little “high” from feeling so confident, that I was more into wanting to prove myself than on having empathy, like really caught-up in my own reality without respecting another’s reality being perfect for them, for what they came here to learn. 

But since now I have my guidelines to process it “after the fact”, I need to accept this situation as having been perfect for my own soul’s growth, that the imperfect of it is helping me in some way:

• So I’m going to choose to forgive myself.
• Apologize if I get an opportunity to do so / if it’s appropriate to do so (trust my instincts).
• To see this lesson as a way to make sure that I pay closer, deeper attention to my life philosophies, that when I’m ‘out of alignment’ with them, to not act. To go within until I “am” in alignment with them.
• To not act/react on no-sleep. :)
• To be less judgemental about situations that arise and just allow them to be, and work on “myself” if it feels off.
• And that unconditional love is always the best way to deal with anything, always. To sit on my hands if unconditional love is not at the forefront/core of my intentions and feelings. 

If it feels bad, it’s not true, if it feels bad, I’m “out of alignment”. So if it feels negative in any way… I need to work on “myself”, not try and “fix” another, not try and “control” another, not try and “save” another.

Noone needs saving.

Everything I went through in my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all helped me now – I didn’t see it while I was “in it”, experiencing it. But as life unfolded, it was clear to me that they were all lessons that gave me more compassion and understanding, more acceptance, more focus on what is really important. Made me “see the game” for what it is. Nothing anyone is doing is “wrong” if it’s in alignment to their soul’s journey here.

It’s hard to watch from the sidelines though. You want them to “skip” the pain and suffering levels, and move straight into unconditional love, but if they do that – they miss the levels of the game that they need to experience massive growth and expansion and insights. Everything is as it should be.

They don’t need to suffer, but maybe they need to suffer “until” they realize they want to/ready to experience expansion without the suffering. When they are ready. In their own time, in their own way. I don’t know. I really don’t know sometimes. Because sometimes I really do feel that I’m there to help, but maybe my “help” is just being there on the sidelines, being the example of what is possible, and sharing my energy, not saying a single word. This is the hardest part about seeing this world from afar, from being different. I don’t want anyone to suffer.

This just came up on my facebook newsfeed, very relevant:

And a comment on that post: 

“The best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. The once in a lifetime kind of people.”

What is also relevant, is that I did post several things today that I should’ve paid more attention to:

I misinterpreted “being authentic” to trust “whatever comes out”, instead of checking-in with my alignment to love first.

I’m not always going to be able to say the right things to people. I need to let-up on myself on that because although it’s an awesome ideal to have, I’m still running on a lifetime of conditioned beliefs as is everyone else, that is embedded into my ego that makes me ‘think I’m right’ when sometimes I might be so out of line, and since I know that I’m going to sometimes say something that hurts instead of helps, it’s not going to help anyone if I dwell on “should of” regrets (because I’ll be lowering my vibrations to one of the lowest which is “guilt” – which affects/infects everyone).

I know that my intentions are always good, and that as I learn/know better, I’ll do better. Just keep learning the lessons and growing from them, day by day, moment by moment.

I am a little bit crazy and I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t expect people to understand my way of thinking – but there is still desire… deep down you really want people to understand because that’s what we all yearn for, to be understood. Because that’s also part of why we are here, to understand ourselves, learn from each other, and help each other. 

So there is a core-level ‘fear’ in us, that our good intentions or help are not understood or welcome, but sometimes we must realize that our intentions, whilst good, may not of been acting out of love, and when we are not in alignment to love, our good intentions are very poorly executed and do not take into consideration their soul’s own path / growth and that thing that is brought up for you, may be there, for “you” to learn from, not for you to change. It may be for you to learn how to accept and not judge, rather than something to ‘help’ change.

The times are a changing rapidly right now, and not everyone is ready to hear the crazy that some of us have stepped into. That’s “my” path to go down crazyland, not “everyone’s path”. If they want to come over to crazyland, when they are ready, they will come over, or they will “ask” (hmm.. just like Dolores said!) and not a moment before.

So… I’ll still do crazy here cos that’s how I figure stuff out – this is my notepad of life to figure out this journey. I’ll still do crazy where I post “out”, and I’ll do crazy with my other crazy friends. But I will do my very best to not “offer” crazy to others unless they ask. Does that make sense? It will be difficult, cos I still want to live authentically and want to be able to “be free to be me”, but I just need to be a little bit more mindful and aware of how my crazy might affect someone else’s reality. Just be more mindful in the moment if that’s even possible lol. I really struggle with this. *Sigh*

I think I just want to know and trust that everyone is kinda like this underneath their charade, but I don’t think they are. lol. I think we are all completely individual and all completely having and living in our own realities. Some of them are shared, some of them co-exist, but mine is reserved for pretty much only the other crazies perhaps? At least a certain slice of me needs to be contained for just the other crazies.

And just as I don’t like people judging me, or offering me advice that I didn’t ask for, why would anyone else want that for them? I need to trust everyone as being exactly where they need to be, and perfect as they are.

I just want everyone to be happy, to be their best selves, and me too, and I’m learning that I’m still a child trying to find her way.

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