After my crazy experience I made everything about me wrong and I had to start from scratch but I shouldn’t of listened to the haters and I shouldn’t of given my power away, yet maybe I needed an ego-death to experience so many lessons and completions. So many past traumas I got to work through, that I never would’ve got to work on if I had’ve stayed in my “I know the secret to happiness” mode that I was in.
I never thought it could ever get darker than what I had already experienced, but now I know what hellfire is. Noone is as cruel to us as our own thoughts.
I think I’m just going to have to be me & just thinking about that… has chirped me up a little bit.
I do need to remind myself that I “did” actually go a bit crazy though. I’m definitely not the same person I used to be, I don’t understand what happened, I got a lot of lessons out of it, I see others going through it now, and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy and I don’t think anyone would understand my unique version of it.
I hope if I don’t ever understand it in my life, that in the afterlife you get the “insight”: “See that cycle there… You asked for it! It was all a soul lesson! Everyone got to level up – it was a group soul effort and everybody got to level up! Well Done!” That would be nice.
I’d like to be a bit more psychic / insightful in future. But stronger… so that I know if I’m about to walk into the hell-fire, I don’t dance into it happily thinking I can fight through anything, and finding out my “ego/sword” was just a toothpick that had to battle through demons. I want my intuition to clearly say “if you walk through that door – it’s going to take you years to get out of it…and if you walk through that door… you need to be totally free of fears and have no “self-worth” issues lingering… are you really sure you are ready to walk through that door?”
Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.