What was I thinking? I’m disappointed with myself, ashamed of myself, humiliated, and if I hadn’t of been in crazy lala land… why – how – and what could I have done to prevent myself getting into that situation and why didn’t I pay attention to logic at the time?.. The bitter pill of regret.
I had so much certainty that I couldn’t be harmed, that I was immune because I was “helping” lol.. & now because of my ignorance and lack of knowing how to discern my own, there’s a stain on my soul.
Struggling with how do I still see everyone as equal, which is what this world needs as a solution, and how I can trust my own instincts, to notice the red flags, to know what is right or wrong, and navigate life.
I don’t want to judge other people, I want to trust.
I want to trust that other’s don’t have negative intentions towards me, I don’t want to feel helpless again.
I know the answer is to “know thyself” and live authentically and sincerely true to my soul.
Humiliation & shame is soooo hard to admit. The ego wants no part in taking any responsibility – it wants to protect us from the deep shame and regret.
I don’t want to hurt or hate anyone. I only have the best intentions for other souls – even if they have harmful intentions, I want to see it all as “life teaching me that aspect” – for exploring that aspect even when it goes terribly wrong. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others. I hope I’m right about this lol.. ugh! The insanity of it all.
I don’t want to upload this video.