A social phobia is a fear of interacting with others on a social level. Examples would be talking in front of other people, waiting in line at the checkout imagining others are looking at you, or even fear of talking on the phone.

Self-confidence is a feeling that allows people to have positive, yet realistic views of themselves and their circumstances. Self-confident people have confidence in their own abilities, have a general sense of control over their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want and need to do.

Confidence is a perspective that is accomplished through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that very expectation will cause a feeling of self-confidence.

For example: A man wants to be a professional boxer, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not put him into a bout until he has developed enough proficient fighting skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a competitor that he knows his fighter can overpower. When his fighter beats the opponent, he is successful, and starts to gain confidence in his capability.

With each match, the manager puts his prizefighter up against a contender who is a slightly better challenger then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young contestant begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to bloom. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter contestant is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to escalate.

As another example: A young lady who is scared to death of being in high places wants to learn to dive into a swimming pool from a very high diving board. So she finds a diving coach who asks her to take a jump into the pool from the first rung of the ladder going up to the high diving board. The first step of the ladder is not awfully high, so the young lady feels confident, and she dives from that rung, and lands in the water unharmed.

Next, the athletic coach has her take a jump from the second rung of the ladder, and so forth. I assume that you see what’s going on here. With each new step she takes as she climbs higher up the ladder, since the girl was able to jump without fear or harm, and the next higher step is only slightly higher then the last, the fear factor is negligible, and the girl expects to be successful. When she dives in and is unhurt, the girl’s self-confidence increases, and her expectation of success on the next step up the ladder increases.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Having true self-confidence doesn’t mean that individuals will be able to do everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are practical. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be confident and to accept themselves.

People, who are not self-confident, tend to depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel self-confidence. They usually don’t take risks because of the fear of failure. They make light of themselves and tend to discount compliments that they receive.

Conversely, confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally have confidence in their own prowess. They acknowledge themselves; and they don’t feel they have to conform in order to be admired.

Just because one feels self-confidence in one or more parts of their life, doesn’t mean that they will feel overconfident in every single part of their life. For example, a person might feel optimistic about their athletic prowess, but not feel confident as far as members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships.

HOW IS Self-confidence Initially developed?

Many powerful and effective truths have an impact on the development of self-confidence. Parents’ attitudes are critical to the way children think about themselves, especially in their early years. When parents provide admiration, children receive a solid foundation for self-esteem. If one or both parents are excessively demanding or critical, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may be fated to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior.

However, if parents encourage a child’s moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence.

A lack of confidence is not necessarily related to a lack of ability. A lack of self-confidence is often the result of centering much too strongly on the ridiculous expectancy of other people in particular friends and parents. The control of peers can be more powerful than that of parents in shaping the feelings about one’s self.

Assumptions That Continue to Affect Self-confidence

In response to external influences, people create beliefs. Some of these are helpful and some are not so helpful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and positive ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: I must always be successful at every challenge that I undertake. This assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. In life each person has his strengths and his weaknesses. While it is important to learn to do the best that one can, it is more important to learn to accept yourself as being human, and deficient. Let yourself feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don’t know everything and you don’t need to.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are less than perfect. It’s well advised to develop personal standards and values that are not very dependent on the approval of other people.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a child as you gain maturity appreciation and point of view on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don’t have to be helpless based on what happened in the past

HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize Your Strengths. Grant yourself credit for everything that you can do. And bestow upon yourself credit for every new experience you are willing to try.

Take risks. Adopt the attitude of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I find out what doesn’t work and once I’ve learned what doesn’t work in a given situation, I can test something else.

Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a tool to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting yourself to be perfect, remind yourself that it is impossible to do everything perfectly, and that it’s only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are working towards improvement.

Make mental movies: Picture yourself in scenes that you currently have low levels of self-confidence in. But see yourself behaving in the way that a person who has tremendous confidence would. There are powerful Self-hypnosis and NLP processes that you can use to instill a sizable amount of self-confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that require more self-confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to judge yourself independently. Refrain from the habitual sense of confusion that comes from relying on the opinions of others.

Want to learn more about hypnosis? Visit my free hypnosis article library.

NLP Hypnosis is Neuro Linguistic Programming and hypnosis. NLP Hypnosis is the ability to be able to anchor an action with an emotion or a response of another individual or yourself. NLP Hypnosis is a very powerful tool for persuasion of other people and creating positive emotion in the self.

So why is NLP so amazing?

Well, NLP can be used very beneficially in an extensive range of situations. Hypnosis is useful when we talk about influencing someones support of your opinion, we can do this by anchoring a positive emotion to the thought of whatever your opinion may be. For example, imagine you are a salesman, trying to get a business owner to purchase your companies particular software package. Hypnosis will allow you to create a positive emotion in the client every time you do something like – put you hand on his shoulder. NLP hypnosis is very subtle, so every time you make him smile, you also put your hand on his shoulder. He smiles, put your hand straight on his shoulder. Now when you are closing the sale, simply put your hand on his shoulder, the Hypnosis technique will make him feel happy and smile, and will greatly increase your chances of making the sale. With the NLP Hypnosis techniques he wouldn’t even know you were doing it.

We can also use this same NLP Hypnosis formula on ourselves. We can create an anchor to an emotion. So every time we want this emotion we can just trigger it using the anchor. So if every time you are happy, you click your fingers, then after an embedding period, you will just have to click your fingers and the emotion will be fired!

Imagine how Hypnosis could change your life! You could instantly snap yourself out of unproductive states with the click of your fingers. Hypnosis can give you the edge in all area’s of your life, with the ability to be able to persuade people and lead them much more easily, without them knowing your doing it.

This type of revolutionary hypnosis has helped countless thousands. Don’t be one of the many that misses out! Now that you have the first pieces of information, use your initiative and keep the ball rolling!

NLP Hypnosis is an amazing concept that I personally believe is a priceless asset if used on a regular basis. Use Neuro Linguistic Programming to help you master every area of your life!

If you are interested in personal development you will no doubt have heard of a science or school of thought called NLP. Although it has been around for a number of decades, still relatively little is known by the average person about what it is, how it works and the power it has to instigate positive changes in a person’s life. This article will explore NLP and look at how it is able to produce such profound results in human behavior and ultimately goal achievement.

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. It is a science that was created by two men in the 70′s, a mathematician and a linguist by the names of Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The name was created as Neuro refers to the brain, Linguistic refers to the study of words language while programming refers to the ability of our mind to be programmed into creating the results and behaviors we desire. In other words NLP is essentially about the study of the way language patterns can be used to program our brains to achieve certain outcomes.

NLP is used for many reasons and among many types of individually. From business people, to athletes, to students, to parents and much more, NLP is recognized by many achievers and authorities as being an amazingly effective way to elicit behavioral changes such as eliminating phobias or addictions, enhance performance, improve focus and increase productivity.

There are a few elements of NLP that are particularly exciting and that are generally the causes of the most radical results it produces.

NLP recognizes that behavior is the result of our emotional state at any given time. The distinction is then made that by altering that emotional state through effective inner communication and representation, we can alter that behavior.

This inner communication can come in many forms, prominent of which is that of mental imagery. NLP recognizes that any state we can be in, any way we can feel can be recreated by identifying the mental imagery that has previously accompanied their occurrence. For example a feeling of blissfulness can be created by manipulating the mental imagery you currently hold of a time in your life when you felt that same feeling.

This theory becomes particularly powerful by what in NLP is called modeling. Modeling suggests that we can emulate the behavior of any individual in any situation by identifying the state they are in when they produce that behavior and the modalities that accompany and create that state. Behavior, skill, emotion of any kind is literally transferable as though it’s on a CD that we can insert into our minds and play whenever we like!

And this is just the beginning. NLP is an exciting and constantly developing science that holds many keys to influencing behavior and the quality of human life.

How often have we said that:

? Part of me wants to leave my job, but part of me says stay; or

? Part of me wants to sing, but part of me is scared I’ll make a fool of myself.

Neuro linguistic programming NLP is perfect for these kind of inner debates. It offers several techniques to help us negotiate with ourselves and find the perfect answer to these types of dilemmas.

One NLP technique that is widely used for issues of this kind is the so-called Visual Squash. It works as follows:

? The Visual Squash takes the two separate “parts” of us that want two different outcomes

? We represent these parts as two different visual images

? We hold each image in one of our two hands

? We ask one part what its intention is, what it wants for us when it wants us to behave a certain way, for example what do I get by singing? Perhaps pleasure.

? We continue to ask for higher and higher positive intentions for the part. Perhaps the pleasure brings me joy, and the joy brings me peace.

? We then ask the other part for its positive intention for not wanting me to sing. Perhaps it wants to protect me. Protection brings safety and safety brings peace.

? As we continue the exercise we may want to use other NLP techniques such as association, perceptual positions etc to build rapport between the “parts”

? As the parts “negotiate” and reach agreement, we can encourage the hands to move together to form a higher, combined, new “part”

? We can then encourage this new part to be brought back into the body and an inner integration can be achieved.

The problem that sometimes occurs in running the traditional NLP Visual Squash is that the unconscious mind does not fully engage in the process, and no real integration occurs. Those skilled in hypnosis can see this by the way the client’s hands move.

That is why here on our NLP Training in New York, we teach what we call In-Depth NLP. In-Depth NLP uses principles of hypnosis to fully engage the unconscious mind in NLP exercises. We teach In-Depth NLP with a certified hypnosis trainer, to ensure that hypnotic principles are used.

In order to use the Visual Squash exercise in hypnosis, we first induce trance. Given that the Visual Squash places the competing “parts” on opposite hands, and uses hand movement to produce parts integration, it makes sense to use a hypnotic trance induction that utilizes the hypnosis principles of arm catalepsy or arm levitation.

Using arm catalepsy or arm levitation (or both) as the hypnotic induction already transfers control of the arm(s) to the unconscious mind, in hypnosis. It is therefore a small step, once hypnotic trance is induced, to suggest to the unconscious mind that the arms can and will move hypnotically, as integration takes place.

The trained hypnotist can and will see the arms move in a hypnotic manner, quite different from conscious movement, if the conscious mind is fully involved in the technique.

These are the principles of In-Depth NLP; to fully and completely engage the unconscious mind in the change process. By doing so, we generate change that is more compelling than exercises where the conscious mind has more control.

To learn In-Depth NLP take our In-Depth NLP course here in New York.

In my last article I introduced Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) as a great tool to use for changing subconscious programming. In this article, I’ll introduce you to Neuro Linguistic Programming (or NLP) and give you an NLP technique you can use yourself to change an unwanted or unproductive program or eliminate an unwanted habit.

NLP therapy is of a form of psychotherapy which draws on NLP techniques. Psychotherapists trained in these NLP techniques, are also trained in several other areas like cognitive therapy, and will draw from this as required. People come to these psychotherapists to change or ‘fix’ some area of their lives and the therapists use an NLP technique or several techniques to help them modify their internal language, so that they can reprogram the patient with more useful and productive internal motives.

The meta-model NLP technique is a set of specifying questions or language patterns designed to challenge and expand them limits to a person’s model of the world. This NLP technique is based on detecting the distortions, deletions and generalizations in the patient’s language. The NLP technique endeavors to pinpoint the reasons why something is bad in the patient, and then to change that meaning.

For example an NLP technique for a person with post traumatic stress disorder – the person might be saying something like ‘why did this happen to me’. It is the psychotherapists job to find out what the patient’s meaning of ‘this’ is, and why it is so toxic to their mental state at the present time, then to the employ the NLP technique to alter the meaning of the event so that it is something more logical and manageable to the patient. In the patients mind, they might think that they caused the death of a loved one because they told them to go and get milk from the supermarket, and the person died in a car accident on the way there. This type of thinking is highly toxic and using the NLP technique the therapist should attempt to change it to something like – your husband died in a car accident which was in no way your fault, you can’t beat fate.

This NLP technique is highly valuable to any psychotherapist, but can also be beneficial to everyone who is interested in helping others or themselves. This is not the only NLP technique out there, many others do exist, and they are as valuable, of not more that this NLP technique. If you would like to learn more about any NLP technique then the internet is one of the best resources, there is a wide array of information on hypnosis that can be of great benefit. Take the time to have a look around and find out how you can improve your life.

This article is about the many different ways we can trip ourselves up in setting goals, particularly with New Year Resolutions and what you can do to change.

Many people evaluate their lives and set new patterns around the New Year. There are several ways that this can deliberately set you up to fail.

Often this is done because there is an expectation from others that you should set resolutions at this time of year. Also there is often a sense of giving things up or a judgment about not having succeeded the previous year. Typically these type of resolutions have the word ‘must’ associated with them. Here are a few examples I have collected over the years as an NLP Coach:

I must change jobs
I must be able to get into this new dress by February
I must do this, give up that…and so on. I’m sure you get the idea.

This approach has a few pitfalls. How committed is the person to their goals if they feel forced in to them? The judgments and the sense of giving things up attaches negative emotions to the goals so they don’t seem like fun or excitement. Is it any wonder that so many people fail with New Year Resolutions before the end of January?

NLP Techniques – A Solution

Three elements of NLP Techniques include examining intention behind behavior, emotional state and belief changes. By taking these three elements we can start looking at our New Year Resolutions differently.

Goal Setting and Intention

By examining what we gain from our goals, who they are actually for and why we want them some interesting things sometimes fall out. The motivation to succeed or not comes from this element.

Emotions – The Secret to Success

Have you ever seen or experienced the situation where the closer you got to success the more anxious you got about it? And then possibly fell at the last hurdle? The problem with being too emotionally attached to your goals might lead to failure. How well would your crops grow if you were constantly digging them up to see how far they had got?

NLP Techniques – Belief Changes

What you believe about yourself and the world around you will determine your success or failure. Any NLP Practitioner Training will show you a whole number of techniques for changing beliefs, letting go of limiting beliefs and installing empowering one.

Using these NLP processes you can ensure that the goals you set and the New Year Resolutions that you take on are meaningful and that you will succeed. But the real power for making big sweeping changes to your life comes from NLP Coaching Systems.

NLP BreakThrough Coaching Process

Many coaches are also NLP Practitioners and they have integrated some powerful tools into their coaching practice. But there are a few very skilled Hypnosis and NLP Trainers that have developed the NLP BreakThrough Coaching Process that can help in making serious and deep changes in a person’s life.

This highly specialized NLP Coaching process starts by examining your goals, expectations, unconscious behaviors and repeat patterns of behaviour. Through this we can determine the key limiting beliefs and negative emotions that will let you really achieve anything you want. Then through systematic Interventions you can let go of the past and embrace powerful new ways of being. The whole process usually takes as little as three or four hours. Many people that are serious about their goals and achievements have taken this route to success.

When you think about how you and the people around you set their New Year Resolutions you might be considering doing things differently. A little imagination and creative thought might give you the opportunity to achieve more in the next twelve months than you have in the last twelve years. How much of a result would that be for you?