Vlog to remind myself how to get well, how to turn around a crappy life, having faith, letting go, and harnessing gratitude. (Basically, a conversation for myself as a reminder of what it’s like on the bad days and how to turn it around). The video started off feeling bad and as I vented and observed and talked about it – I improved my mindset and thereby my life and the potential outcome by the end of the video.
Woke up looking like my face has been stung by a bee.. haven’t slept well in a while.. like, a couple of weeks, and this week has been especially hard for no obvious reason it would seem, instincts tell me my body is trying to heal something.
I haven’t wanted to go to work – my instincts have been telling me not to and I normally listen and everything works out – but because I was sick a few weeks ago and took a couple of days off – I’ve pushed through and ignored my instincts this week… thinking that “not” going to work is more ‘painful’ for other things in our lives (like not being able to pay a car payment and getting repossessed, not being able to eat, etc).
Ignoring my instincts, I actually manifested something big & scary the other night which has gone down today thank goodness.
I also have some friends going through traumas and been trying to send all my energy their way so that they can cope better with their traumas.
Slept around 14 hours straight last night. My eyes look evil & lifeless today (lol worse than normal.. considering I have hooded eyes anyway). And a headache that just won’t go away.
The stress and aggravation is amplified when you are lacking sleep and nutrition – when your body is trying to deal with whatever it’s trying to deal with – it doesn’t really care if your outward emotions are not being your normal ‘happy’ and positive self. I feel “zombified” – emotionless, dull, and more apathetic than normal.
And I have little tolerance for other people’s hostility; no tolerance this week (whereas normally I can just let it pass with amusement i.e. “like water off a ducks back”… or find the funny side or empathetic side (Realize that everyone is going through ‘something’, everyone is dealing with ‘something’, everyone is growing and evolving from ‘something’.) Normally I can find compassion for whatever they are going through and send love instead of take offence and ‘react’.
When your body is trying to heal something – you don’t want to be around negative energies or make it worse being in potentially stressful situations – it’s so much faster to heal when you can amplify good things, positive things, when you are in a space where your cells don’t feel like they are “at war” with something. When your mind thinks you are ‘at war’, it switches your immune system off to deal with the crisis (i.e. running away from the tiger / dealing with work dramas, etc.). I honestly which modern society understood this more – that if your instincts are saying “stay away” from work – then you shouldn’t go to work. Your higher self, your inner guideance knows more about how to heal you than your logic and social conditioning does.
I know a lot of people are going through a hell of a lot worse than whatever my body is trying to deal with, although it’s not a ‘competition’ – that’s life – we are always facing & overcoming challenges, big ones and small ones, all through life. No matter what people are dealing with – if we “believe” that whatever we are going through is stressful – that we are being victimized, or powerless to change it, that we have no control etc – our cells believe us – it switches into fight or flight mode – turning off the healing (the immune system) to deal with what ‘we’ believe is a more important danger to deal with.
It’s a reminder to me on how hard it is sometimes to “tap into” a “better, healthier, happier, more loving version of ourselves” when you are not 100%. As in – our emotional reactions and beliefs to whatever is going on in our lives – could be harming our health and making it worse.
Health & a positive mindset is everything. If you don’t have that.. it’s really hard to face the daily bullshit and let things go, have faith, & have optimism rather than pessimism. To look at the bigger picture. Everything gets smaller. Small things become bigger, more amplified.
But I do know that it’s an important part of healing, of having a better life, of choosing to create a great life experience rather than being a ‘victim’ and choosing self-sabotage and helplessness.
Whatever I’m going through now, whatever I have manifested in my body > I did this to myself and I intend to undo it.
It’s just another reminder to me on what everyone who is unaware of this is going through, and to help me find more solutions to help others who are going through trauma & difficult times.
With each hurdle that I face and overcome, I get a new tool in my toolbox to perhaps help another in their life get through their hurdles and challenges.
For now, my instincts are pulling me back to the basics of what I have learnt over the past few years. Flooding my body with Nutrition to give my cells all the vitamins and minerals and healing nutrients that it needs, lots of rest, staying away from negative situations & mindset, and tapping into the higher version of myself – as in, taking baby steps towards where I want to be, focusing on what I want and believing I already have it, focusing on solutions that will bring me there, rather than focusing on that which I feel I cannot change, taking control over what I do have control over, rather than feeling overwhelmed by that which I cannot change.
To heal myself I have to get to a stage where I believe I am already healed, rather than focusing my attention on “one day” being better. I have to believe that I am already healed and take the steps that re-affirm that I am already healed.
I know I have all the knowledge that I need to heal myself, and that I’ve been going off-track lately, especially as we are heading into Winter now and I’ve been making lousy toxic choices and not taking care of myself and focusing on having to spend winter in the van instead of being in my ‘new life’ enjoying winter in Queensland or somewhere warmer.
I need to tap back into that feeling of having gratitude and appreciation for everything I ‘do’ have, things that are ‘right’ in my life not focusing on all that’s wrong – that I could be on a park-bench in winter, but instead I have a van with everything I need to protect me from the elements, that I get to hang out more with myand hopefully teach them the power of love over fear, to be grateful that I do have a part-time job that is able to pay for my van – even though it doesn’t leave me much after the interest – I’m still in a better position than a lot of people out there.
That I have the next couple of days off work to give me time to tap back into that positive and healthy mindset. That I also have time to focus on healing modalities that I want to learn like QiGong and source energy – things that I am being pulled towards the past couple of weeks especially.
While I might feel pretty crappy now while creating this video and feeling the way I do.. I know this is temporary and that what I learn from this experience will help others going through this. it’s just another reminder of my potential. That we all have these potential outcomes and not to focus on the outcome that you don’t want – focus on the outcome you want and not only believe its possible for you but believe that’s your life and then make it happen… know that everyday we are given an opportunity to choose how we want to be, we don’t have to be the same person we were yesterday, everyday is a new opportunity to live the life you want to have, to create the life you want to have.
But we can’t stay in a negative place if we want to live in a positive place.. we can’t stay in despair if we want more love and joy, we can’t stay focused on all the things we don’t want if we want a better life. We have to believe that the good is here already, that we have access to it now, that we have the power to harness it, that we are in control of our own life experiences.
That we can change what we don’t like about our lives just by having the belief that it is possible for us and knowing that we are doing is moving towards that… that we do have power over the now.. how we experience right now is all a matter of changing our perspectives about it.
I’m glad that I got this reminder, because I got to create this video about it. So even though I feel like shit right now.. it has already changed the outcome of my day because I know that in a moment, because I’m already looking at my situation in a more positive light.. which is going to help me move past this feeling and focus on all the tools I do have available to help me heal and feel happy and healthy and more positive again. How I feel today will help me focus on what I need to focus on to improve my own life and the lives of others.