[IChing] Intimacy with the wrong person (Part 3)

IN Dark Night of the Soul

Read part one first


Was he guided to me or me him because of our differences as an opportunity for both to evolve?
#37 > #59 1 3

How I interpreted/related: Here I’m asking whether this was karmic/cosmic law that put us together for lessons that needed to be learned (it was so unexpected). It’s saying that it wasn’t about that at all – we went into it blindly without stating our intentions for more than a few minutes and that both were trying to over-oblige to each other when it wasn’t right to begin with. If each is clear on what is expected, then there’s no cause for confusion, pressure to be something we’re not, or misunderstandings to form when things don’t go as each other expects. Basically – define your boundaries before getting intimate (don’t give your heart to someone who just wants to mess-around), make sure you’re both on the same page before rushing forward – even if you both intend it for fun, if that is not communicated clearly, then our ‘past experiences’ can taint what is going on as we each ‘expect’ the other to behave in a certain way (i.e. we were friends having fun but I still expected to be treated as a friend – with ‘friendliness’, respect and kindness, and that our communication would stay the same, but his idea of fun meant treating me like a whore, ego-boost from his allies, and making fun of me… kinda not on the same page). Neither of us were thinking of future negative-consequences and that’s how it spiralled out of control so fast.  

Love & Non-Judgement
#44 > #32 5 6


How I interpreted/related: Pretty much exactly the way it reads is very relevant.

Is he possessed by dark forces?
#12 >#6 2


How I interpreted/related: Stay true to who you are, and don’t buy into temptation from others – even if you have to reject them. My “loving everyone” persona and not wanting any ‘hate’ in my life and wanting ‘everyone to be happy’ (avoiding conflict and avoiding hurting people’s feelings) – all of this was part of the play that I needed to realize was not how life is – stay faithful to yourself and your own values or you’ll enter the darkness of their world.

Relationships mirror your crap
#3 #43 2 3 4


How I interpreted/related: It’s saying there are relationships that can be beneficial, but that this one was not one of those because there was no sincerity from the beginning and it was blindly pursuited. Only woo that which leads to fulfillment rather than the magnetic attraction of opposites if you want to avoid being harmed. If you think you ‘need’ someone else to validate your worth or ‘give you love’, or anything – that is unresolved shit within – that all you need is found at the centre of who you are, when you connect with your inner-self, your truth and live by your own values.

This conflict is here for me to adjust, and learn from, and helping me get where I need to be
#53 > #52 5
While you make progress towards your goal, this can bring about opposition. You must continue to work diligently toward your aspiration knowing that keeping still and doing the work you will reach your goal.

How I interpreted/related: Yes.

What is the current obstacle to union that I need to work on
#10 > #43 3 6


How I interpreted/related: I was living in a fantasy lala land where the world was full of potential and unconditional love was my mantra. I also thought that this conflict and confusion will pass, that our friendship would be restored when the miscommunication was cleared up and the trauma had passed. It’s saying that the ‘eggshells’ that we feel we are walking on, that resistance is there as a guidance system – that when you feel like you have to ‘pull back’ – then stop, pull back and look at the situation – going forward would lead to more trouble and danger.  

How do you clear past life or karmic relationships?
#33 > #15 4 5 6


How I interpreted/related: As it was written.

Him
#53 > #15 5 6


How I interpreted/related: I’m making progress but I still have more work to do if I’m still feeling angst towards him.

How to rectify?
#38 > #34 3 6


How I interpreted/related: That others don’t understand my world-view and that’s causing me to react to other people’s ‘reactions’ and judgements of me. Stop trying to be a people-pleaser, some people just aren’t going to like you and you can’t do anything about that. Misunderstandings happen and not everyone will see your side. Accept people for who they are and let it go. If he is refusing to cooperate with you -then it didn’t have a strong foundation to begin with (so why waste your time moaning about it or trying to ‘make it right’ when it clearly isn’t the right path). Keep living true to yourself and look carefully at others who cross your path.

Why he doesn’t even look at me – is it my end?
#36


How I interpreted/related: Be good to everyone but don’t expect them to be good to you.

What am I holding onto?
#2 > #19 1 2


How I interpreted/related: Stop being so harsh on yourself, stop being so cruel to yourself. You are unique and that’s ok. Be yourself. This has expanded your perspective and is helping you clear the roads to your path.

Is he evil?
#6 > #25 1 2


How I interpreted/related: You are judging him as evil because he didn’t behave the way you expect ‘good people’ to behave. Don’t worry about the gossipers. Keep going through your transformation, keep showing good will. Don’t rely upon or expect anything from others. Remain true and leave your emotions out of it. Be at peace.

Do I need to apologize to him?
#39 > #36 1 5


How I interpreted/related: As I kept finding my own part(s) in the play, I wondered whether aside from going through the process of forgiving him and forgiving myself, whether I should also seek forgiveness from him too. It’s saying to hold back on that, and that if I rely on my own ethics, stay away from him, and keep working on myself, eventually peace may be restored.

All the pain I thought I felt in him, was actually my own projection of his pain?
#32


How I interpreted/related: I used to think I was an empath – I used to feel everyone’s pain. As I kept doing the work on myself, and the pain started to turn into ’emptiness’ and ‘not feeling anything at all’, I wondered whether all the pain that I thought he was going through, that I thought I was helping ‘him’ with, was actually my own pain stemmed from my own wounds. It’s saying to become strong, yet responsive and sensitive. That relationships are based on mutual love, respect, honesty, commitment and sincerity. To keep learning from life. I’m not sure if it’s answering my question accurately or if it’s just a message saying that the pain I was feeling ‘from him’ was more that the friendship had no substance.


I can’t help anyone until I figure this out.
#44

How I interpreted/related: It’s telling me how to figure this out. I kept on seeing him as “good” (everyone as “good”) and I did not see that the situation was bad for me in any way because I just trusted completely that everyone was ‘like me’ underneath their social-mask. This is telling me that I should be aware that some people have hidden agendas and to be aware that even if people look harmless, some may be able to destroy you. Be especially observant of those propositions that may damage your reputation or self-image, and be aware of those who ‘raise your ego’ as a game they play (narc’s). It’s also saying to stay honest and check yourself to see if you are stepping outside of your own integrity and boundaries; where you put yourself a position of being vulnerable to attack.


How do I get the power back instead of him holding all the power? 
#25

How I interpreted/related: I couldn’t breathe, I was living in a dark world where I felt like I couldn’t move without someone else attacking me. It’s suggesting that while I’m in this space, to be aware that I’m causing the world’s responses and reactions to my despair. To get over my hang-ups and not trust my intuition while I’m in this state because I could lead myself into more danger. Follow what feels right, don’t expect goodness from others, and get back to your natural self, the truth of who you are. Don’t do anything.  


What is the optimal course of action to restore our friendship over the next 6 weeks
#19 > #10 4 5 6

How I interpreted/related: Calm down and get back to my cheerful self. Get out of the dark space and back to your positive, loving nature. Be more natural and humble (rather than a train-wreck).  Create a safe space (don’t put the hostile walls up) and get back to your heart centre. Find the inner strength and blessings of life again.


I couldn’t understand how I was attracting/attracted to someone who was bringing to surface all my fears and undealt with childhood traumas, so many secrets with so much shame. Why did I get it into my head that he was brought to me to face my fears whilst helping him through his own inner turmoil? And why did I flip from ’empowered’ to ‘needy’?
#4

How I interpreted/related: Because I had never been this person before (my new self) or with someone like this before, that I was totally blind and lacked the experience and hindsight-wisdom to deal with it. It’s so spot on with the ‘called to guide a younger one’ and that’s how I felt at the time, but it’s also saying that the ‘student’ didn’t have a willingness to learn. It’s saying that what I should’ve done is ‘been the example’, rather than ‘become what I thought he needed most’. I also took this as ‘we should not of been intimate’. I went into it with a willingness to help, and became helpless myself because we became intimate. If I had kept my original intent and resisted temptation to have my own spontaneous needs met when it was offered, then this wouldn’t of transpired the way that it went. “Hindsight wisdom gathered”. #LessonLearned


How can I be happy and confident with what happened, how do I make it ok? 
#62

How I interpreted/related: Don’t try so hard to get “high/happy”. Get grounded. It’s talking about how I was recently about to launch my biz and was fired-up to travel. I had passion and motivation and all was lost and I wanted it back. It’s saying that its not the time now, and it’s not important now, that whats important is to find my centre. Not “go for anything” or try to be happy or try to make it OK. That I’m in a manic, fearful state and I need to be patient and just step towards my path rather than making any big changes right now.


What happened, what was it all about?
#46

How I interpreted/related: Still trying to understand how this could happen. How could just one friendship going so wrong turn my entire world and beliefs upside down. How could one random event affect me so much? I was still trying to gain answers to that because nothing seemed right, nothing made sense. It’s saying that it was instrument of grand design in the way that this situation allowed us to level-up. I had too many expectations that I would always be welcomed because I was a friendly and over-loving person, and had sacrificed myself for this. It’s saying that the sacrifice was not really something I was supposed to do and that my over-loving was more ‘manic’ and scary rather than ‘in alignment’ or natural. That the support and guidance I was offering him was tainted with my own hesitations and doubts from within, that when I became fearful, my energy did not match my words and he could pick up on my change in energy and started also getting doubts and fears and withdrew, and I was picking up his energy and our combined fears and doubts were contagious. That I wasn’t balanced, I was pushing it along and striving forward which is not enjoyable for anyone. That my pretending (although I was actually thinking this was my role.. but it wasn’t honest).. so when I was pretending that everything was ok so as to gain his support and trust, even though I was in absolute turmoil within about what to do about the things that were coming up, that I became manic/PTSD and not grounded. Yet because of all this undealt with trauma, all is not lost – this unfolded as an opportunity to advance myself – to deal with the undealt with – that the terror that I was experiencing would finally get dealt with instead of being constantly hidden in my subconscious and suppressed – that this is how the world balances itself – order from chaos – this encounter provided the opportunity to advance/evolve.


Why didn’t my instincts stop me, why didn’t I see what was happening? 
#15 > #23 3 6

How I interpreted/related: I didn’t see it happening because you don’t know everything in life until you’ve experienced it. It’s through experience that you learn. That we were too assertive instead of allowing things to unfold naturally. That even though I felt like I loved myself, I actually had a lot of self-esteem issues which my ego was trying to cover unsuccessfully. I felt limitless at the time, so filled with passion and inspiration, that it ‘got to my head’ and that a modest approach to life is less arrogant and more balanced. That stress and anxiety surrounding everything that was going on at the time, at the same time as this situation, sapped my emotional strength to deal and I needed to recognize that I needed to take care of myself, slow down, and recuperate when things started to get out of control, rather than trying to keep my head above water as I was drowning in the situation.  


How will I identify an honest attraction? How do I know if I like someone if the feeling within me is wrong?
#6 > #5 1 2
Avoid confrontations and forcing things. Pursue inner goals and understand fate. Leave your emotions out of it. Avoid temptation and become self-sufficient. When you find peace within, you’ll find peace all around you. Happy with your own company. By not reacting to the attacks on you – you defuse.
How I interpreted/related: By the way, none of these readings I actually “believed” at the time – I only came across the IChing in the middle of this crisis and although I cherished the benevolent wisdom, I didn’t ‘trust my life with it’ or take it’s advice in totality. It’s only in hindsight that I read all these answers and recognize that it was very wise advice that I could’ve trusted. (So if you’re wondering why I keep asking similar questions it’s because I still had a different mindset – that I could trust my feelings and that I was in-the-right in loving everyone unconditionally even to the detriment of my own soul). Anyway, this question was saying – well if I can’t trust my feelings, how can I navigate the world? It’s answering – that I was forcing things by going with my emotions instead of bringing in some logic. It’s saying to avoid temptation (that instant magnetic attraction we had was my own ‘worthlessness’ feeling within) and become complete in myself (the full bowl analogy, not ‘needing’ or expecting anything from others). That once I had found peace within myself, that my life would be peaceful. To be happy within myself. Happy to be alone, not seeking anything outside of myself.  (Then you are coming to the party with something to share/offer, rather than ‘taking’  or ‘needing’ anything from others.. that some of our emotions that we think is love or attraction, is actually our own sensors within seeking an outside source to complete what is incomplete within)


So this urge I have to repair our friendship, is more of a warning – something scrambled with my brain?
#59 > #29 6
Bleeding profusely. Leave, go far away and be safe. Destruction and injuries everywhere. Leave and start over. You can’t always fulfill the expectations of others. Sometimes you have to do your own thing.
How I interpreted/related: Don’t even try to repair the friendship. Get away from here. Do your own thing. (ouch. lol). 


How do I trust people again?
#19
Persuasion through honesty and sincerity. Foresight. Trusting obedience to our guides. Guard your conduct. Setting a correct example to those inferior to you. A humble heart and a tolerant attitude.
How I interpreted/related: By being honest and sincere. Foresight that not everyone is being honest and sincere. Trusting the gut feeling we get (instead of forging through it lol) Being modest. Staying true to your own level of integrity.  


Do I need to be angry with him, deliver justice, or just learn from my mistakes how other people react to me?
#32 > #54 1 3

How I interpreted/related: Made me wonder how many people are in jail because another’s ego was burnt or because of pride. It’s basically saying that the problem came about because I was expecting him to not betray me and of my own needing of his approval & respect, rather than any of the secrets that came up. That I don’t need to deliver justice, just learn about my own weaknesses. That this was an artificial friendship based on convenience, and that it was my expectations that this was a friendship of substance that caused the negative feelings from my own being to surface when that was revealed. To be aware that if I take the path of delivering justice, it will make things worse.

Continued – Part Four

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Who are we? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life? Penny is a truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper down the rabbit hole. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, whilst providing a searchable archive to easily lookup and reference.

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