In over my head – are demons real?

IN Dark Night of the Soul
  • Updated:1 year ago
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Thank you for your message. I wasn’t expecting that, but I think I needed that more than things to work out right now because straight up what you think is probably gonna help me get back on track because I am not stable. I’m not. Something happened in the last [while] that I don’t understand and I’ve never experienced these [feelings] before. I’ve experienced trauma in my life that I’ve never experienced. Spiritual trauma where I couldn’t trust my own mind and pretty much I was on the wrong track about what I could trust and what I couldn’t trust. So, you basically [helped] me find out that I’ve tapped into demonic energy.

Alright, obviously my ego does not want to believe that, my [belief], it really aligns with what’s been going on and even though I thought that I was this angelic being, that what I was sensing in him was that I needed to help him and I still feel that. I’ve never experienced the last couple of months before and I’ve never experienced this, and I’m really confused whether it was because I so wished that I could take his pain away when I was when we first got together but it [slides] so much in the [way] that [our] being as well work.

I’m a little bit lost about where to go now because I didn’t believe that this was possible before. Now, before my friend rang me actually. I mean, it must have been before that because that’s when I started getting this really like, when did this happen?

Look, to be honest, if I know that it’s real, instead of trying to figure things out logically or with my past, you know, this is how I see reality thing. If I know demonic energy is real, which actually maybe became real for me when I started watching not Max Igan but David Icke conspiracy videos or there was this Aboriginal guy that I started watching because he had kinetic Aboriginal healings, and I’m really interested in finding out what’s in my own country as far as the older cultures, ancient cultures that lived to their own devices for thousands of years. That was really interesting to me, and so I started watching this guy on Holographic Kinetic healing, expecting it to be completely aboriginal. This was a few months ago, and instead, he was talking about the removal of entities. How bizarre! I’ve never heard any Aboriginal speak about entities before, and I watched it and I got into it, but I’m a little confused.

I wasn’t a believer. I was just like, “Wow, this is how some people create their realities. This is how he really believes that there are demons that he can pull out of people,” and I thought that was just disgusting and really didn’t fit into my belief system. And then I moved on from him to other things, but maybe that was the point of bringing that into my reality, making it real for me, but I still think I’m still in doubt about that.

I’m still… and I don’t want to believe that. The reason I don’t want to believe that is how can I share that with other people if I go down that path and get somebody to heal me if that’s… I mean, I keep on thinking that we are creating this, that we are in control of our own… realities. Evil is just a manifestation.

From now, getting into those multi-dimensional things which I’m not even in right now, I’m not… I’m really only contemplating it because this is now here. I did cut all that off, cut everything off because I want to get back to the person that I like. The person that had a more sure thing about how the universe works even if it was different to how everybody else was. It was a more beneficial one, was more of a positive thinking one, rather than dwelling in the areas that we don’t that we don’t want to go.

I just can’t believe the difference in me now than a couple of months ago, especially when I got with that guy. When I was with him, I wished I could take his pain away, but at the same time, dealing with my own dramas, wondering how it’s possible to be creating and bringing up all things.

And I do feel sorry for him, even though I do believe he is attacking women. When I was getting that idea that he was being manipulated by dark multidimensional beings, then I went, “You know what, just trust his soul, trust his soul, he’s on his journey”.

Like I can’t even relate to the things that I was so sure about a couple of months ago. I really need to get stable again. But how do I get stable when this is new territory, the whole thing?

I know the ego is basically saying “no, I’ve dealt with all my victim stuff” and blah blah blah, but it hasn’t, I guess, but I’ve been living my life as if it has. What other choice do you have? Walking around as a “poor, woe is me” thing, or channelling what you’ve learnt to help others.

Where I get confused with you, specifically, is that you seem like a down-to-earth guy. Part of me thinks, “Oh, I think that he thinks that I’m crazy,” but he’s trying to tell me that I’m not crazy. But inside, he’s thinking, “eh, she’s got issues.” And me also thinking that, but also not knowing. I want a sounding board, I want someone with experience in what I’m going through to guide me back on track, because when I feel like I’m on the track, I’m fine.

And then I have these moments of self-doubt where I’m like, when I feel like I’m on the right track, I actually feel like it. You know, an infinite being that does have all the answers within, that can trust everything is as it’s meant to be, and we are creating this, and just to create better things, and it’s kind of really cool.

And then when I did dwell, I probably shouldn’t have got into that conspiracy stuff, fuck, I really shoudn’t of, because ever since then, I put it into my game, and I’ve been crazy to everyone, and I’ve published some shitty videos, and when I watch them, I cringe. It was a big, big call for help, really. I’m in out of my depth. I’m in over my head, and if I was going to give myself advice, that’s the thing, I don’t know what I’d tell myself.

No matter what I come up against, whatever I bring into my reality, I can give myself advice. I can actually hear it. I can hear my advice, but when I’m telling other people, I’m messaging myself. That’s what I’m learning. That’s my lesson. Expansion, growth. But this one just put me out, this was not expected at all. I didn’t expect this at all. This came out of left field.

So pretty much, if I feel love or magnetic attraction to people, that I’m supposed to help them, right now, that means stay away from those people. Don’t trust those feelings. Those feelings mean stay away. Emotional upheaval ahead. Detour.

I don’t know what this means for my business, which is all about raising vibrations. It’s what I’ve been creating so that I can get on the road, so I’m a little bit lost there. I don’t know what this means for my life, but it does actually make sense.

Actually, if I might be the one bringing in this demonic energy, rather than him, if I’m the one that’s bringing in this unwanted energy, then I’m the one, at least it’s up to me to get rid of it, it’s not out of my hands, it’s something that I have within me to deal with in some way. I’m actually not sure how.

And when you say, you know, just take a year off men…I wasn’t even looking for men when these men arrived. I was just planning on getting in the van and going.

The ending of the other one and the instantaneous next day of this other one was completely that fluke that blew my mind. Because in that moment, I wanted that, but not in general; I don’t want that. In general. I just wanted to get in the van and travel.

I’m embarrassed about the videos that I’ve made… I’m embarrassed about what I’ve revealed. I’m embarrassed about my life, and I don’t feel any negative energy in my stomach at the moment, ever since you said that demonic energy thing.

So, my next step, I think, is a big surrender, let go session. Faith, trust, big surrender. And at the same time, getting on side with my higher self again. She’s probably been screaming at me the whole time to try and pull me back on track, but I’m going down another track.

So, my next step is getting in touch with one of those, whatever that kinetic healing guy and or any kind of those ones that look like pull crap out of you. But if these are all of our creation, then really all they’re doing is having a.. their doing a.. it’s a permission slip. Just a little permission slip from your own soul to make you believe that that’s what they are doing. So, I just can give myself permission to not have that in my being, and if that doesn’t seem to work, if I seem to still get crazy, then I might see if that’s another option, maybe.

Right now, as I’m driving, I feel like me and my Higher Self, we’re going to get acquainted again, reacquainted, surrender and let go of everything that’s happened so far, because what purpose, what else can I do with that?

As tempting as it is to contact the other guy and let him know that the thing that’s occurring I still don’t know myself, and I think that would scare him off, so I trust that his soul is going to lead him in the right track. It’s already led into someone, a friend of mine, that I was going to get on the track when I thought he was possessed, when I was going through those, I think it was three days when I thought that he was the one that was riddled with evil, and I thought that my friend who is Muslim, but he’s quite conscious and he actually at least believes in evil, which, you know, there was no one else I could think of in my life that I could think of that might be able to help him, and I didn’t end up talking to him, but now they are friends, and I find that very interesting. So I’m going to trust those two souls. That I don’t need to help him, that he can get help from my friend.

And I didn’t realize that it was probably me that needed… I mean at that time I didn’t realize. Before it went a little bit really out there crazy, just not understanding what was going on, bigtime.

So I’m on the way to get a massage now, my right shoulder hurts. Another permission slip to get rid of whatever’s troubling my body and troubling me and troubling my soul, and get reacquainted.

So quiet time away from the house, I would say away from the chaos but these shopping centers are absolutely chaos right now.

The weird thing is, after we got off, after I contemplated your thing for just a minute before I left, I got some Facebook messages from different people, and they were jokes and I was like, I don’t feel like joking right now. I don’t actually feel like talking to July. I don’t feel like talking to my Facebook friends from this channel. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I definitely don’t want to be talking to people at work. I just want to get reacquainted with my soul.

And I think my soul has been trying to tell me that for a while because all I could think of is going out to the desert or going into the forest and just being alone away from all this influence.

So however, I manage to do that, if it’s 20 minutes on getting a massage or while I’m driving, however, I manage to get a little bit of peace right now, I’ll be doing a lot of mental meditation. I feel like something on the back of my head today, so I’m going to make sure that they massage there in case it’s something body-related. If it’s energetic-related, then I’ll try and do some just a massive reconnection with source, with my higher self at least.

But then I’ve had all this cloudy, “I don’t know what the fuck to do”. But what just bugs me so much is I was so clear before all of this. I should have, I feel bad that I didn’t recognize when I was starting to change. I didn’t know what to do about it except delve deeper. I dove deeper into it instead of stopping it for one, at least stopping it.

Penny (PennyButler.com)
Penny (PennyButler.com)

Truth-seeker, ever-questioning, ever-learning, ever-researching, ever delving further and deeper, ever trying to 'figure it out'. This site is a legacy of sorts, a place to collect thoughts, notes, book summaries, & random points of interests.